A Trodden Path

Delighting

2012-01-19T12:59:00.000-08:00

'Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desire of your heart.' I have always liked that verse, it gives hope that if I love the Lord, He will give my my hearts desire. Yet, I see this verse from a whole different angle now.

I had some gals over earlier this month to celebrate Epiphany. We had a great time! I needed it! Before they left they each signed my guest book. The next day I read through what was written. One of the gals put the reference for the verse above. Even though I knew it, I pulled out my bible and read it. For some reason, it overwhelmed me and I began to cry. Looking back, I think part of the emotion was not feeling as though I was not living my hearts desire. The verse played in my head for days. 'What does it really mean?' 'It can't mean I will get what I really desire if I am following the Lord.' I love words, their meanings, so...

The Hebrew for the word delight is: to be soft, delicate, pliable. Hmm, not what I expected. The Hebrew word for desire is: prayer, petition, request. Hmm, again. With those definitions in mind I pondered a few more days. I finally opened up a small commentary on the Psalms by H.A. Ironside. As soon as I saw the title for Psalms 37, I had my answer. But I read on.

Dr. Ironside stated that Psalms 35, 36, and 37 went together, 'the holiness of God in grace and judgement is specially emphasized. That is something I think we should understand clearly.' In reading the 3 Psalms back to back, you see how they interconnect. I was especially struck with 36, leading into 37. In Ps. 36 it speaks of how the wicked behave; words of evil and deceit, ceases to be wise and good, plans wickedness, loves evil. At end of the Ps. King David makes a cry for protection against the evildoers. But then the comfort and wisdom comes in Ps 37. Do not fret because of evildoers, they will fade away. But you...

Trust in the Lord...Do good...Dwell in the land...Cultivate faithfulness...Delight in the Lord...Commit your ways to the Lord...Rest in the Lord...Cease from anger. Three times in the first nine verses we are commanded not to fret. Must be important. We are given a total of nine commands. We are told how we are to conduct ourselves. All these things can only be accomplished when we are in fellowship with God.

When I am in true, honest, and pure fellowship with the Lord, He becomes my desire. Because of fellowshipping with Him I become more like Him. The more I become like Him, the more malleable and pliable I am, easily bent to His ways and will. As a result, my hearts desires become what He has for me. That is true delight.

It kind of takes a burden off my shoulders. For often when I have prayed for my hearts desire, and have not gotten it, I have gotten frustrated, disappointed. As I seek Christ, spend time at His feet, letting go of my worries and concerns, what I think I need, or want, I will be given the true desire of my heart. Him.

A new, not so new journey

2011-12-06T15:22:00.000-08:00

This morning I was reading in 2 Peter, and the phrase rejoicing in suffering struck a cord in my heart. Really? How do I do that?

It has been a long, hard, almost 3 years since Dale passed away. I have shed gallons of tears, worn out a few dozen pairs of spiritual knees, and have journeyed down some dark and lonely pathways. I have often wondered if I will see the light at the end of the proverbial tunnel. Yet, in all that, I have learned I can rejoice in suffering. Why? Let me start with a little preface.

A couple of weeks ago, my dad called me to let me know he has been diagnosed with lung cancer. He has never been a smoker, has never worked around toxic air. So why lung cancer? I don't know, God alone does. What I do know is that is has knocked me off my feet, once again. Not in the way of being angry at the Lord, questioning His goodness and will, but simply cause this is my daddy we're talking about. It hurts. It hurts to know my mom will be going through the same thing I have already gone through. A new journey for her, a not so new one for me. There will be new pain reminiscent of the old , experiences that will be familiar. There will be tears that wash down what seems permanent trails on my checks. It will be hard.

So how can I rejoice in such familiar suffering? Because my God is still the same as He was 3 years ago, He will always remain steadfast. In that, I rejoice. As He draws me to His side in this suffering, if I daily yield to Him, I will be tried by fire and become more like Him. In that, I rejoice. If my becoming more like Him will be of help to my parents, to my kids, to others watching us as we journey on this new pathway; if I can be an example of God's love and faithfulness, because of what He has already done in my heart, then, in that, I can rejoice. I can, I will rejoice in suffering, because...

Day 23

2011-11-23T16:36:00.000-08:00

Oops, so I missed two days, not that I wasn't thankful...

Today I am thankful for the fact that I am now at daughter #2's home for the next few days, enjoying her and her family.

I am thankful for being able to spend tomorrow with most of my family, minus daughter #1 and #3. I already miss them. I am thankful however, that they will be with friends and not alone.

I am thankful for 4 days off from work. I am thankful for work, but glad I don't have to be there.

I am thankful for you my few faithful followers. It encourages me to see you here, and when you leave comments. I truly hope the things I write only encourage, and aren't wasting air space.

I am thankful for my loving, patient Heavenly Father who has and continues to abundantly bless me with so much.

May you have a blessed day tomorrow...wherever you are...and with whomever you spend it with.

Day 20

2011-11-20T07:55:00.000-08:00

It is cold this morning, 25 degrees cold. I am thankful I don't live in Alaska anymore where it is in the negative digits. This morning as I went out to feed my chickens some hot brown rice, to warm them up, I delighted in walking on the crunchy grass. It made me smile. The sky was a hazy pink, as though it was saying it was too cold to be any brighter.

Last night I had company in my home. Our church was having their annual Thanksgiving dinner, and since we can't really fit everyone in our fellowship hall all at the same time, we celebrate together, in different homes. I haven't had people in my home since I moved up here, aside from family. I have always loved to have others in my home, to do all the fussy preparation, making the table lovely, pressing the napkins. I really do love it.

I felt as though I was out of practice. I wondered how conversation would go, that was always Dale's job. O how I prayed yesterday! Prayed all would go well. Prayed there would be easy conversation and not dead air time. And I really prayed, a lot, that the games hens would be cooked through.

I am thankful for having such delightful company in my home.

I am thankful that they all seemed as ease, as I did.

I am thankful for lively conversation.

And, oh, I am so thankful the dinner was cooked, and cooked well.

Day 19

2011-11-19T11:20:00.000-08:00

Today, I am thankful for sun, crisp weather, and bits of blue sky.

I am thankful for the ability to move about, to gather the remains of flowers in the garden to grace my home.

I am thankful for a warm fire, and cozy home.

I am thankful I have a God who loves me, in spite of me, who daily holds me up, strengthens my heart, and gives me what I need.

Day 18

2011-11-18T20:03:00.000-08:00

It's apparent I have not posted the past few days. Its been one of those weeks. But I was reminded tonight that even though there are days like I have had of late, I am thankful it is not always this way.

I am thankful that though one I love now faces cancer, God will undertake, 'underneath are the Everlasting Arms'.

I am thankful that the Lord promised peace.

I am thankful that He has promised to never leave me or forsake me.

I am thankful of the love and prayers of those who love me.

Day 14

2011-11-14T22:34:00.000-08:00

Warmth. Warmth of a cup of tea. Warmth of the presence of a friend. Warmth of a hug truly meant. Warmth in my heart when a grand baby snuggles in close.

Today I am thankful for warmth. I am thankful for friends who gave me wood, that is neatly stack along my fence line. Thankful for Wednesday's weekly grocery store fliers, collected and stored in an old metal milk crate, waiting to be used as fire starter. I am thankful for perfectly split cedar kindling, waiting to crackle in the wood stove. I am thankful for my really cool chimney sweep, who takes his time to clean my chimney, to lessen my fear of a chimney fire. I am thankful that my house is nice and toasty. Just wish there was someone here to share it with.

Day 13

2011-11-13T21:23:00.000-08:00

Today was a good day, and I am thankful for having been blessed. I have to admit, I was at first feeling a bit down, as during Sunday School I shared some thoughts that were misunderstood, and trying to further explain, seemed to only muddy the waters. So, I sat for the rest of the class, telling myself, 'just shut up. don't open your mouth'. I hate being misunderstood.

I had been invited to have lunch at a friends house, and was feeling a bit self conscience about saying anything, so I said little. I left shortly after we ate, as I had other friends waiting for me to come pick up some firewood from them. By the time I got to their house I was feeling better, and was so blessed by their kindness in giving me the wood, with a 'there's more if you need it.', as I left.

I headed home as a neighbor had invited me to come to their house to have an old time apple pressing. I love fresh cider! I was hurrying to unload the truck before going to their house, and before the rain came, when my neighbors husband and another neighbor saw me and came to help me unload. As they came up to me, he said, 'why didn't you call me.' We got the wood unloaded and I headed over to their home.

It was wonderful pressing the apples, reminded me of doing the same thing with dear friends when I lived in Oregon. When it was time for me to leave, my sweet neighbor made sure I had a bowl of chili to take home for dinner. As I walked up to my house the warmth of the bowl in my hands, seeing the wood stacked on my porch, I was thankful. Thankful that though we have rough patches, the Lord always overshadows them with blessings.

So this day, I am thankful for friends who love me, who want to make sure I am taken care of. I am thankful for warmth and food.

Day 12

2011-11-12T15:44:00.000-08:00

Today I am thankful for Karalee of The Picket Fence, and this is why! Turner Hill Tea

God is so very good!

Day 10

2011-11-12T07:23:00.000-08:00

I am thankful for the fact that I took the day off from work. I had a very lazy morning in my jammies, and wasn't productive till about 10. My body still has not gotten use to working full time. Working 2 part time jobs, different days breaking up the week, is crazy! Some days I really have to think, 'what day is there? where am I suppose to go?' So, having the day to just be home, clean house, and get out 3 tea orders, for which I am truly thankful, made for a good day. Whoever came up with the idea of a 'personal day', was brilliant!

Day 9

2011-11-09T08:00:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving creates abundance. The Lord wants to bless us. He wants to give us good things. He wants to give us an abundance. Does that mean He will give us a million dollars if we ask? Maybe, if it is for our good, if it is what we need, according to His will.

Remember the story of the feeding of the 5,000? One account is in John 6. A multitude of people had been following Jesus, and everyone was getting hungry, though it never states that the people were grumbling, or asking for food. Jesus just knew they needed food. No one had food, but one little boy, 5 loaves and 2 fish. Not much to cover 5,000 men, who were the only ones counted. There were woman and children as well, all equally hungry.

Jesus took that meager meal, and gave thanks. He gave thanks for what all knew was physically impossible to feed so many. But He gave thanks, and gave to each one...till they were full, and the dicsiples gathered up 12 baskets full of leftovers. Abundance as a result of giving thanks.

What is your need? What don't you have that you can give thanks to the Lord for? Thank Him for it. Thank Him for what you don't have and watch Him work. Thanksgiving creates abundance.

Day 8

2011-11-08T15:26:00.000-08:00

Today I am thankful for friends who love cheese and tea. Yep, that's right! I love both, and I love trying new cheeses, and tea. When Emily was still at home, we often would try new cheeses. My mom always has a new cheese at her house, which always makes me happy. Having a tea business, I am always sampling new teas and sharing the joy of tea with others.

I just got a call from a friend who said she wanted to order more tea. She said she wanted to come to my house, and bring a friend who's husband drinks only tea, to see my 'tea' room, and sample some. Then in an excited voice said, 'and we could have a cheese dinner!'

We often are often thankful to the Lord for the important things in life, and forget that He delights in all things that delight us, which is why He created so many thing for us to enjoy. That said, I am thankful for goats, and sheep, and cows, for cheese makers, for tea bushes, and tea producers, because they add to the small joys in my life.

Day 6 and 7

2011-11-07T19:01:00.000-08:00

The past 2 days have been a bit hard for me, so being thankful, though still important, comes a bit hard. But here goes.

Day 6, Sunday- I am so very thankful for a church where the Word of God is faithfully and purely taught. Both the senior pastor and youth pastor are godly men, who unapologetically proclaim Christ. I am grateful for the friends I am making, though don't always feel totally connected yet, it will take time. I am grateful for Hope Community Church.

Day 7, Monday- I am so very thankful for the 2 jobs the Lord has given me. Both were placed in my lap, I didn't seek either one. My bills are paid monthly, and I am grateful. I enjoy job #1 working as the secretary of the church I attend, it is helping me become more connected to my church. Job #2, well, whereas I am thankful for it, it is not a job I am enjoying, nor like much at all. But I know that is where I am to be for now, so daily I ask for the grace to do well at it, for a positive attitude, today, it wasn't easy to be positive, but I am grateful for the Lords provision.

Day 5

2011-11-05T09:09:00.000-07:00

First, I have to be thankful that the egg I retrieved from the chicken coop this morning, that I put in the pocket of my sweatshirt, and forgot to put in the carton, didn't break in my pocket, since I just remembered it was there!

Anyway, this morning I am thankful for my fledgling tea business. I started the business a year and a half ago, as a way to hopefully bring in an income. At present, it has not. I have made sales, have faithful clients, but not enough to turn a coin. I have prayed a lot about whether I should close up shop or not. But every time I do, the Lord brings in more orders, and cuppings, so I keep going.

Back in October I was contacted by FOLK magazine, and asked if I would be interested in having my tea listed as Christmas gift ideas. YES! In a couple days, I will have in hand the NOV/DEC issue, with Turner Hill Tea amongst its pages! I am so excited as to the possible business this will bring me.

Today, as I was checking my Facebook page, I found a gal with a shop ,The Pickett Fence, just north of me said she sells FOLK in her shop, loves to support local businesses, and that she would like to sell my tea in her shop! O my giddy aunt!!! I am sooooo excited!!! For my dream would be to have my tea business as a part time job, so that I could quit one of the jobs I have now. I don't know if that will ever happen, but for now I am so thankful to the Lord for the possibilities ahead!

Day 4

2011-11-04T21:04:00.000-07:00

Today I am thankful for the fact that the Lord answered a very specific prayer of mine, that I would have a better attitude at job #2, as I don't like it much. However, I know that the Lord brought the job to me, and I am trusting that that is exactly where I need to be.

When I left work, and was heading home in the mad, crazy rush hour traffic, weary from sitting in front of a computer all day, and I mean, all day, I was grateful when I said, ' it was a good day.' Acknowledging that made my heart happy.

God is so very good!

Day 3

2011-11-03T07:28:00.000-07:00

'For this new day I give Thee humble thanks: for its gladness and its brightness: for its long hours waiting to be filled with joyous and helpful labour: for its open doors of possibility: for its hope of new beginnings...'
John Baillie

Of late there have been a lot of new beginnings. It has been a bit scary, and very overwhelming. Yet, I am so thankful for a patient, faithful, loving God, who walks before me, clearing the way, fighting the battle, and helping me over the obstacles.

30 Days of Thanksgiving.

2011-11-02T08:20:00.000-07:00

So, I am behind one day, so I will catch up!

November 1- Wood that has been given to me to warm my house, haven't had to purchase a stick yet!

November 2- Someone graciously put gas in my car, which is huge with all the extra driving I have to do now that I am working.

God is most definitely Jehovah- Jireh!

What are you thankful for?

Funky Vintage

2011-10-17T19:27:00.000-07:00

I love finding wonderful blogs that help me to be creative. Blogs that are beautiful. Jennifer Rizzo has one such blog. She is an amazing, talented artist, and I love strolling through her blog. Today on her blog, she is offering a giveaway. And what a giveaway! You should go check it out, not just for the giveaway, but cause it just plain wonderful!

http://www.jenniferrizzo.com/

Fall Pathway

2011-10-17T19:17:00.000-07:00

Isn't this beautiful? My friends Joey and Kayc took this photo, believe it or not, on their cell phone. You know my love for pathway pictures, so when I saw this I asked if Joey would send it to me.

I have so enjoyed the golden evenings, the brilliant sunrises and sunsets, the crisp days, and the changing of the leaves. So, I wanted to share this picture with you, in hopes you are enjoying your autumn days as well.

God is glorious!

Oh, There You are Peter!

2011-10-12T17:44:00.000-07:00

And here I am! I know, it has been awhile. My life has been in a whirlwind as of late. For the first time in my whole life, I am working full time. I am 50 years old, and working for the first time outside the home. It is necessity, it is what is on my plate, it is what I will do, but, oh, how it has been, still is, and adjustment!

I have never desired to be a career woman, really don't see my self as that even now. I love being home, I love being a homemaker. I miss sitting on the couch, having tea and reading a book. I miss not having a schedule, but what I determine. It is no longer. Please understand that I am not complaining, I don't want too. I am so very grateful in this economy to have a job. I just don't like the fact I have to work at all.

My job, is actually 2 part-time jobs, doing very similar things. Monday, Thursday, and Friday I work as a marketing assistant for a large retirement community. I sit in front of a computer most all day long, in putting data. The Lord has such a funny sense of humor! I am one of the least computer competent people there is, yet here I am. The man I work for is very nice, the atmosphere is pleasant, and once I get the hang of things I know I will feel much better about it all in general.

My other job is working Tuesdays and Wednesdays as the church secretary where I attend. There is some computer work, about half the job and well as other normal secretary type things. All in all I like it, and once I get the hang of things here, it will be even better.

So, how often will you find me here? Can't say, but I will pop in when my brain has something important to share, though most evenings when I get home, I have no brain left, so we shall see.

Remembering...

2011-09-11T08:31:00.000-07:00

Praying...

Roots

2011-09-08T09:02:00.000-07:00

Oh Lord! How old is that tree? 30 years? 40 years? As old as I? It stands strong and erect. Rain, soggy rain, snow, wind, drought, storm. And it stands. It stands where it always has been. Solid roots. Verdant branches raised to the sky.

My roots feel unsecured. My branches droop. Rain, soggy rain, snow, wind, drought, storm. I feel battered. Storm, so often storm.

You remain secure, solid, unchanged by the elements that You surround me with. You are my Refuge. My Shelter. Undertake, raise my droopy branches, that my worship and praise be sure and sweet. Help me stand.

FOLK Magazine

2011-09-06T17:34:00.000-07:00

Check out this new magazine! I am so excited for my copy to come in the mail! Can't hardly wait!!!!

FOLK Magazine

Labor Day...and I'm not

2011-09-05T09:58:00.000-07:00

Today is Labor Day, a time to celebrate a day of not working. So, I'm not going to, work that is. I spent the past week and a half getting my chicken coop built, so today I am going to play. I am feeling like being creative in another vain, so, we shall see.

But I have also been thinking, as I sit here still in my jammies at 9:45am, something I never do, and thinking of a myriad of things of...

Of what will go in the garden next year.

My garden is rather pathetic this year, I will blame it on the weather, though I am partly to blame. So thinking of next year is a grand escape from what I see out my window at present.

I am thinking of my new chickens, Peg and ?, who now grace my little farm yard. I am rather proud of myself for the construction of the coop. Just me, myself, and I, a lot of scrap wood, some tears and frustration, and prayer.

I am thinking of laying in the grass today, and reading The Egg and I. I love the movie, and just watched it, so thinking I should read the book as well.

I am thinking of taking tea in the garden, and thinking of the construction of my greenhouse, which will start tomorrow.

Thinking of BLT's...

of Kombucha...

of spinning wool...

of hoping my tea business will take off and start to pay for itself...

of starting work and paying my own way, first time ever in my life...

of God's faithfulness in spite of me.

I think a lot of my precious grand kids...how much I love them...how my arms ache when I am not with them...how much they delight my heart.

What are you thinking about today?

Pathways

2011-08-26T10:45:00.000-07:00

Walking down tree lined pathways is my one weakness. Okay, so I have many weaknesses, but I love finding trails and pathways and walking them. I want to know what is at the end of it. I don't often do that these days, I don't think it safe for a single gal to walk some secluded pathway alone. So, when I get the chance to, I jump at it.

I have for a very long time, loved the concept of the trodden path. Amy Carmichael, who was one I read much of in my early years used the phrase 'trodden path', and as I have continued on my journey with the Lord, I am constantly reminded, I have not walked this pathway afresh, but others, godly men and women, the Lord himself, has gone before me.

Recently, as I was walking a 'new' pathway on my journey, a friend said that she did a study on paths, and encouraged me to do the same. I had to chuckle, with my love for pathways, I had never done that before. So, I did.

Path- A way beaten or trodden by the feet of persons (or animals)- a narrow walk or way- a route or course along which something moves- a course of action, conduct, or procedure: the path of righteousness.

Webster Dictionary

Trodden- Tread- to set down the foot or feet in walking, step, walk- to step or walk, to form by the action of walking- a single step

Webster Dictionary

The word path, or some form of it, it use74 times in scripture, mostly in the Old Testament. One of my favorite stories is when the Angel of the Lord, kept getting in the pathway of Balaam to prevent his journey. Balaam would be stopped, he would try a different path, only for the Lord to stop him again (Numbers 22). I wonder how often my stubborn will has caused the Lord to continually stand in my way to protect me from myself?

There have been times when my pathway has be lit up and very clear, passage was smooth and peaceful. 'Your word is a lamp to my feet, and a light to my path', Psalms 119.105. Yet, at other times, like the present, my path is unsure, unclear. It is definitely a one step at a time journey. There have been moments it has felt as if I were to take the next step, the unseen before me, it would be off a cliff. The Lord doesn't always let us see what is in front of us, which is where faith and trust comes in. Remember playing the game, where some one blindfolded you and lead you around, telling you what to do and when? You couldn't see, you had to have faith and trust that your friend would lead you well and safely.

My prayer this morning was that the Lord would give clear direction. That He would lead and guide me safely to what I was to do. One of my greatest fears is that I will mess things up, and not be the example to my kids that I desire to be. I want them to see that my course of action, would truly be of conduct, or procedure towards the path of righteousness. I want them to see that no matter the hardship, God is faithful, and will provide.

Perhaps you too, feel like your pathway is dark and unsure. Your head knows the Lord will take care of you, but your hearts emotions hasn't caught up with your head on the pathway. As you trod your pathway may these words encourage you has they did me this morning.

'You will make known to me the path of life; in Your presence is fullness of joy; in Your right hand there are pleasures forever. Ps 16.11

Post Script on Ruth

2011-08-23T09:34:00.000-07:00

I know, I said it was the en' of it, but on Sunday, Pastor Nate finished up the last few verses which are a small genealogy. Yet this genealogy is the most important of all scripture.

¹⁷ The neighbor women gave him a name, saying, “A son has been born to Naomi!” So they named him Obed. He is the father of Jesse, the father of David.

¹⁸ Now these are the generations of Perez: to Perez ^[a]was born Hezron, ¹⁹ and to Hezron was born Ram, and to Ram, Amminadab, ²⁰ and to Amminadab was born Nahshon, and to Nahshon, Salmon, ²¹and to Salmon was born Boaz, and to Boaz, Obed, ²² and to Obed was born Jesse, and to Jesse, David.

Yep! Obed was King David's granddad! Maybe Obed was the one who taught David to love music and to be a skilled shepherd. Just a thought. But the genealogy doesn't stop there, of course. If you look at the first chapter of Matthew, you will find at the end of it is, Jesus. The story of Ruth, this lovely story of faith points to Jesus, the Author and Finisher of our faith! As Pastor Nate said, Jesus takes the curtain call.

God, from the beginning of time has been writing the stories of scripture, from Genesis to Revelation, and each one points towards Jesus Christ. It has been all about the 'praise of His glorious grace'! His glory, His story, for my good.

God is still writing my story. It hasn't gone the way I thought it would. There are chapters, I have not liked, like this most recent one. Yet, He has never asked my opinion. He hasn't allowed me to do a rewrite. He did not choose me to be the editor. However, when I am not in a sulky mood, I can look back over those past chapters and see His faithful, marvelous hand in my life, and see, though I don't always understand the plot, I know by faith I can't and wouldn't want to change what He has ordained. It has been all for my good.

The story continues, He has a purpose and a plan for me. Jesus knows what He is doing. It all points to Him.

If you would like to listen to Pastor Nate wonderful sermons, you can find them here.

Redeemed

2011-08-19T20:18:00.000-07:00

Deep in the family video archives is one of Emily when she was small. After doing a goofy dance for the camera, she says, 'that's the en' of it!' It is a phrase we use from time to time, much to her dismay. So, today, we come to the 'en' of it.' The story of Ruth comes to a close, though the life and truth of it lives on.

In chapter 4 we find the wonderful climax of the story. A story of change, faith, obedience and now, redemption. The word redeem is used, in some form, 13 times in the first 14 verses. Obviously a word to pay attention too. In Hebrew the word means - redeem, to buy back, as a kinsman, claim, close relative, redeemer, rescue.

Boaz went through the proper channels in the redemption of Ruth. He goes to the place where city business is transacted, gathers godly men around him, waits for the relative in line to redeem Ruth. When he passes by, Boaz calls him to come sit with he and the other men. The fact of the matter is that Naomi was technically the one to be redeemed, yet she was to old to bear children and continue the family name. Ruth therefore was next in line for redemption, just like Boaz was next in line to be the redeemer. Long story short, the relative refused to buy the land when he realized he would have to take Ruth as well. He didn't want his relative's name to go on with his inheritance, he wanted his own name to be his families legacy.He refused his right. Boaz could freely redeem Ruth.

Now whether or not this happened I don't know, but can't you just see Ruth waiting, wringing her hands hoping the relative would decline? She had her heart set on Boaz. Maybe she stealth-fully followed Boaz, stayed hidden just within earshot to hear the proceedings from the city gate. Regardless, she was waiting, again, this time to hear the fate of the rest of her life, hoping to be redeemed by the one she loved, her man of valor.

Ruth was a pagan woman who was drawn toward the things of God through tragedy of sorrow and grief. She turned from the past and went forward. She learned a new way, grew in a new faith, had to do things she had never done before; listening, obeying, waiting all along the way. Waiting to be reclaimed, to be rescued, to be redeemed. A new life, a new hope, a new love.

We were sinners, unworthy, unlovely, yet Christ in His infinite, amazing grace, reclaimed us, rescued us, redeemed us, giving us a new life, a new hope, a new love. Redeemed by the blood of the Lamb. Redemption is a miraculous word, a word of completion, not of our own doing, but His alone, and 'that's the en' of it.'

Giveaway!

2011-08-18T07:57:00.000-07:00

Here's a change of pace. I am having a giveaway at Turner Hill Tea. Click on the link below to play.

Giveaway!

Spread the word!

Listening, Obeying, Waiting

2011-08-16T10:13:00.000-07:00

The defining moment. Boaz has been gracious and kind to Ruth, because 1- he was a man of worth and integrity, 2- he knew that Naomi's husband and sons were his kinsman, 3- he knew the levitical law. Naomi too, knew levitical law, which is why she sent Ruth to Boaz's field, and why she encouraged Ruth with the next step. Ruth was a faithful and obedient daughter in law, and so once again she listened to her mother in law, and did as she told her to do.

Then Naomi her mother-in-law said to her, “My daughter, shall I not seek security for you, that it may be well with you? Now is not Boaz our kinsman, with whose maids you were? Behold, he winnows barley at the threshing floor tonight. Wash yourself therefore, and anoint yourself and put on your best clothes, and go down to the threshing floor; but do not make yourself known to the man until he has finished eating and drinking. It shall be when he lies down, that you shall notice the place where he lies, and you shall go and uncover his feet and lie down; then he will tell you what you shall do.” She said to her, “All that you say I will do.”

This was not some Moab pagan action on Ruth's part as some would say. By going to lay at Boaz's feet was her way of saying, 'I know that you know, that I know you are my kinsman and therefore, by levitical law, it is your responsibility to marry me, and take care of me, so, I am here to let you know that my calendar is open for a wedding.'

Boaz wakes with a start. Who wouldn't? In his startled state he asks who she is. I love her response. 'I am Ruth, your servant. Spread your wings over your servant, for you are my redeemer.' What a great proposal! The downside, till the next chapter, is that Boaz tells Ruth that there is a kinsman closer than he, who has the right and responsibility first. Can you just imagine how Ruth's heart would have sunk? "Why didn't Naomi tell me? Why did she let me get my hopes of for Boaz?" He tells her,

“May you be blessed of the LORD, my daughter. You have shown your last kindness to be better than the first by not going after young men, whether poor or rich. Now, my daughter, do not fear. I will do for you whatever you ask, for all my people in the city know that you are a woman of excellence. Now it is true I am a close relative; however, there is a relative closer than I. Remain this night, and when morning comes, if he will redeem you, good; let him redeem you. But if he does not wish to redeem you, then I will redeem you, as the LORD lives. Lie down until morning.”

Ruth has spent her new life listening, being obedient and waiting. How often I feel that is what I have been doing. Listening to my Redeemer, as I ask for wisdom and direction, doing my best to be faithful and obedient, and waiting. I feel I have been waiting a lot. Waiting is hard. It requires persistence and patience. Often I have felt the Lord's leading in something, things are positive and clear, I take that step of faith, and I end up waiting again. Of course than comes the second guessing, the wondering what I am doing wrong, longing for that one to come along side and give reason and balance, wishing the Lord used email. Yesterday was one of those days of hopes built, only to get the opportunity to wait once again. I know the Lord has 'plans for welfare and not for calamity, to give [me] a future and a hope' (Jeremiah 29.11), its just I get weary, fretful, panicked, though I don't want to be. So, I tread forward, hand on the plow, doing my best to keep the rows straight and even, trusting, believing, hoping.

Devotions with Ruth #4

2011-08-11T08:37:00.000-07:00

'The very least and the very greatest sorrows that God ever suffers to befall thee, proceed from the depths of His unspeakable Love...whatever happens to you that causes you distress or pain, it will all help to fit you for a noble and blessed state.' John Tauler

I wish I had Ruth's personal journal. Okay, so she probably didn't keep one, but if she had, I would have liked to have read it. How amazing it would be to know her thoughts and heart as she was on this new journey: new wife, widow, leaves family for good to follow her mother in law, a new faith, a new country, providing for her mother in law, a new husband, and son. I would have liked to have known her thoughts on her grief, her struggle with all this newness, her getting to know Jehovah and trying to understand His ways. Did she come to the conclusion that all this was out of the 'depths of His unspeakable love' for her?

"January 1, 2007- A new year, a good day. Matthew Allen, left for home, Dale and Matthew E went golfing, I took the girls for coffee, came home, Em read, Grace slept, Hannah and I took down the Christmas decorations. Calls from Julie and Uncle Tony. I called Lisa. I am looking forward to this year, to doing better physically, (exercising) and striving forward spiritually. It was a good year with many blessings from the Lord. We shall watch this year, His hand move, in joy." So was a journal entry from mine only a few months before we found out about Dale's cancer. "Did I see that as from 'the depths of His unspeakable love' for me?

I had some overnight company recently, as we were talking and catching up, I made mention that though I never would have chosen Dale's death to bring me to the place I am, I had come realize that the things I have learned, my growth in the Lord, where He has brought me, would not have happened if Dale were still here. Believe you me, I often wish for Dale to be by my side. But God in His unspeakable love, in His infinite wisdom has chosen this path for me, knowing it would be how I would know Him better. God had to take Mahlon from Ruth in order to bring her to Himself. It hurts, its hard, yet His mercy and grace gives the strength, fills the void and heals the wound. We each have our hard issue that puts us in the place of trusting and growing in the Lord, whether a difficult marriage, a wayward child, chronic illness, the list goes on and on. These are hard things. We would wish them to be better, to not be, but if it is what will make you more like Jesus, is that not worth it? Do you see where you are, what you are dealing with as from the 'depths of His unspeakable love' to put you in a more noble and blessed state? I pray so.

Refuge

2011-08-07T17:06:00.000-07:00

'The Lord repay you for what you have done, and a full reward be given you by the Lord, the God of Israel, under whose wings you have come to take refuge.' So said Boaz to Ruth, in chapter 2. Why? Naomi sent Ruth to glean in Boaz's field. She knew him to be a relative, a worthy and honorable man, and available. Naomi knew the law and tradition of her faith; she was matchmaking. I think Ruth knew she was matchmaking. Ruth had accepted the Hebrew faith, she had found refuge in Jehovah, and Ruth was being obedient to Naomi's leading.

When Boaz asked who it was that was gleaning in his field, and was told Ruth's name, he knew immediately who she was, and my guess is he knew why she was there, and not just for the barley. Boaz knew of Ruth's faith, it was known throughout Bethlehem. He knew she had given up her pagan ways, her family and home to follow God, to take refuge in Him.

Refuge- n. 1. shelter or protection from danger, trouble, etc. 2. a place of shelter, protection, or safety. 3. anything to which one has recourse for aid, relief, or escape.

Is that not indeed what Ruth had done? Leaving Moab and its evils, and running into the arms of Jehovah? What a lovely picture that is!

This is my rock. Okay, technologically it is Haystack rock in Cannon Beach Oregon, but its mine. I lived 9 months in Cannon Beach while attending Bible school. I have often referred to that time as my seminary training. It was a hard, but good time, as the Lord did quite a bit of chiseling and honing in my life; teaching me to cling, to trust, to take refuge in Him, knowing how much I would need to do just that in the years to come.

So many times I would walk to Haystack, usually with tears in my eyes, just to see it, to make sure it was still standing. It was my constant reminder that God was there, unchanging, immovable, my Refuge. How many times had that rock been battered by the sea and weather, and yet remained steadfast? How often do I fail to cling, to trust, to seek refuge in my God, yet He remains unchanged, able to bring succor, always faithful?

To be known as one who has found refuge in her God, to have that reputation of peace and trusting, as Ruth. How grand would that be?

Devotions with Ruth #3

2011-08-02T09:22:00.000-07:00

"Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust, and not be afraid: for the Lord Jehovah is my strength and my song; He also has become my salvation. Isaiah 12.2

Why are you so fearful? How is it that you have no faith? Mark 4.49

"Go on in all simplicity; do not be so anxious to win a quiet mind, and it will be all the quieter. Do not examine so closely into the progress of your soul. Do not crave so much to be perfect, but let your spiritual life be formed by your duties, and by the actions which are called forth by circumstances. Do not take overmuch thought for tomorrow. God, who has led you safely on so far, will lead you on to the end. Be altogether at rest in the loving, holy, confidence which you ought to have in His heavenly Providence." St. Francis De Sales

I have realized, that fear and haste are like pot holes along the journey, they only trip me up. They waste time and effort, as I am constantly having to pick myself up, tend to the self inflicted wounds of the fall, and then start again.

The story of Ruth never gives indication she was fearful, or hasty. She had a task to do, and she did it, not knowing the outcome. She trusted, rested in her God. That's what I want to do.

But...So...

2011-07-24T09:37:00.000-07:00

"...He knows the way I take; when He has tried me, I shall come forth as gold.
My foot has held fast to His path; I have kept His way and not turned aside.

I have not departed from the command of His lips; I have treasured the words of His mouth more than my necessary food. And what His soul desires, that He does.

For He performs what is appointed for me, and many such decrees are with Him.
Therefore, I would be dismayed at His presence; when I consider, I am terrified of Him.

It is God who has made my heart faint, and the Almighty who has dismayed me.
But...I am not silenced by the darkness, nor deep gloom which covers me." Job 23.10-17

So...
"I love the Lord, because He hears my voice and my supplications. Because He has inclined His ear to me, therefore I shall call upon Him as long as I live...

Gracious is the Lord, and righteous; yes, our God is compassionate. The Lord preserves the simple, (that would be me)...

I shall walk before the Lord in the land of the living...

What shall I render to the Lord for all His benefits toward me? I shall lift up the cup of salvation, and call upon the name of the Lord." Psalms. 116,1,2,5,6,9,12,13

Brooks and Ravens

2011-07-20T19:23:00.000-07:00

As I went to church Sunday, I was prepared for the continuing saga of Ruth by Pastor Nate. As the service started it was announced that one of the other men in the church would be teaching. Mike has taught a couple times since I have been at the church, and has done a great job. He told us to turn to the book of I Kings, as we would be looking at Elijah. Great, nice change up from Ruth, maybe this sermon won't tug on my soul as Pastor Nate's has. I should know better by now.

We find Elijah being told by God to go to a brook to wait out the drought He would be sending. Elijah went. Nice cool brook, shady green trees, a good scroll to read...not bad. 'Oh, and I will be sending ravens with your food.' Scavenger birds...dirty, nasty beaks... bringing his food? Not kosher! Elijah had just stood alone against a pagan nation, and he gets birds?

It has been a tough couple of weeks for me as I have been trying to find a 'field to glean'. I am finding that homemakers are not very employable. I am finding I have very few marketable skills. I have very little work experience outside the home. I have had days of roller coaster emotions, days where things look like there is a glimmer of hope on the horizon, days where I am ready to sell everything, including my house and move in with my kids, which they have said I can do. I have great kids!

My brook has been dry for a long time. I have tried to be faithful and trudge along, being faithful and obedient in doing what I need to do to find work. Application, after application, workshops at a job source office...I am weary. I don't want to play anymore. I want the Lord to make it all better. But as I was reminded today, the Lord doesn't do things the way we think it should be done...what I see as needs, the Lord sees differently...how I think God should provide, He provides in a totally opposite way...because He knows.

Elijah got a brook with ravens to provide his needs. But eventually the brook dried up, and yet God continued to provide. My dried brook looks like the end of the world, as hopeless, as desperate. God sees it as an opportunity to shine...to show me who He is in my life. My dried brook isn't His displeasure, but for His pleasure. How I live right now verifies my theology. My dried brook is giving me an opportunity to trust, to rest, and at some point to rise, as Elijah did, to continue the work the Lord has called me too...whatever that is.

I am looking for that small cloud letting me know the drought is nearly over. Yet, as I look at that dried up creek, the rocky bottom of what once was a full, flowing stream bed, you know what I see....

...what looks very much like a trodden path. He has gone before me. He is leading me on.

Pictures from Google Images

R and R

2011-07-13T11:39:00.000-07:00

Our society is so vastly different from that of Ruth and Naomi. I wonder if they took vacations at all. Travel wasn't as easy then, family normally stayed close by, even generations living in the same home. I wonder if Ruth had wished for time to just get away and regroup. Time to let her loss, her leaving her family, venturing on with her mother in law, to sink in, to filter through her heart.

I have often looked back over these 2 1/2 years and felt like I never had a time to just grieve, to be alone and let the Lord refresh my bleeding, bruised heart. I didn't have time to take time. The moment Dale passed away, the game was a foot, so to speak. I now had 2 roles to play, head of the home and homemaker. There wasn't time to breath or to regroup. How I longed for the 40 days of grieving the Lord set down in scripture for His people. Uninterrupted, no worries about bills, or decisions. Just time to grieve and be with the Lord. Perhaps because of the time the Lord set down, Ruth was able to regroup and process everything without feeling like she needed a spa day.

This past weekend I was able to cut away to one of my favorite spots in the world and just be. I was able to go back to the town where we lived when Dale passed away, and the Lord helped me to let loose of past weight and burden, to bring closure with a renewed strength to move forward. How glorious it was! There is nothing in that town to hold me, save a few dear friends. I was able to sit early in the morning, watching the sun rise, and the fog lift from the lake and just be still, knowing He is indeed God. Perspective changed, heart strengthened, confidence restored, and I lost 2 pounds to boot! Not bad for one weekend!

God gave to Ruth all she needed to find work, hard, humbling work though it be, but she went anyway. A women of excellence. Attitude, obedience, diligence, faithfulness, love. He was her R and R. I am learning too, that though an occasional spa day would be great, a cup of tea at the waters edge would delight and refresh my soul, I know that being still, with the Lord, daily, He will refresh my soul, delivering me from all that holds me, from all that concerns and worries me. Past burdens gone, new ones arise, but He will deliver, strengthen uphold, even when I can't see what's next around the bend. I don't have to know, just trust knowing He does, since He created the bend, and has placed me on this path for a purpose.

I digress...

2011-07-07T12:23:00.000-07:00

This isn't a post on Ruth today. I needed a place to vent a little. I have been accused of something, nothing major or earth shattering, but something I know not to be true. What hurts the most is was by one I love, who is playing tug of war with the earthly and the eternal. That breaks my heart. When, we'll call her Jane, when Jane is in this mode, she wants little to do with me, I think because she knows I love her enough to tell her the truth, and right now she doesn't want to hear it. It has been this kind of relationship for a long time. Why do I stay? Because I love her. She means a lot to me. She has been a encourager and support to me. We have walked down this trodden path together. We have a history.

She knows better. She knows well how to walk, yet from time to time, her spiritual blinders slip askew, and she gets distracted. I think that the things the Lord will have use to get her focus on Him to return will be hard things, harder than before. If they will keep her next to Him, whole-heartedly, putting both her feet solidly into the eternal, letting go of the things of this world that hold her, then it must be.

I want to scream at her and tell her how this life it to short to play games with the Lord. He is no fool. He knows what she is doing. She is not deceiving Him. She is the deceived one. That scares me. Earth is our practice run for eternity. How we walk, the glory we give to the Lord here on earth, will have, I believe an impact on our eternity with Him. Yes, He is all forgiving, but should we purposely place ourselves in sinful situations to learn that? As Paul would say, 'May it never be!'

Our days are precious. Our days are short. Life ends when we least expect it. I don't want to stand ashamed, head bowed, when I see Jesus face to face.

Devotions with Ruth #2

2011-07-02T10:28:00.000-07:00

As I read these passages this morning, it seems so perfectly to fit with my last post on grace and obedience. They were, once again, gentle reminders that I will be okay. The Lord will provide for me, I needn't fear, only trust and obey, and He will lead me in His amazing grace, just as He did Ruth.

'I will instruct you and teach you in the way which thou shalt go: I will guide thee with mine eye'. Ps. 32.8

Oh, keep thy conscience sensitive;
No inward token miss;
And go where grace entices thee;
Perfection lies in this. F.W. Faber (from The Way of Perfection)

"We need only obey. There is guidance for each of us, and by lowly listening we shall hear the right word.'' R.W. Emerson

"The heights of Christian perfection can only be reached by faithfully each moment following the Guide who is to lead you there, and He reveals your way to you one step at a time, in the little things of your daily lives, asking only on your part that you yield yourselves up to His guidance. If then, in anything you feel doubtful or troubled, be sure that it is the voice of you Lord, and surrender it at once to His bidding, rejoicing with a great joy that He has begun thus to lead and guide you". Hannah W. Smith

Grace and Obedience

2011-06-30T08:56:00.000-07:00

I have spent the past week filling out job applications, going to a workshop, for 'displaced workers', writing resumes, in the hope of securing a job. I just want to pay my bills. In a slumped economy, with no 'skills' by the worlds standards, it looks bleak. But I know the One who spins the universe, a job for a widow is no big deal for Him. I must admit, my attitude and my faith have not always shown that I know the Lord has it all under control. I have tears, frustration, more tears, rejection, more tears, roadblocks...this has been really hard. Really hard.

How hard it must have been for Ruth to be in a foreign land, of a curse people, and a widow, that's 3 strikes against her. Yet, she forsook her pagan past, chose to follow Jehovah, and obviously found favor in Naomi's eye to be allowed to stay with her and go to Bethlehem. Ruth was there by grace.

Ruth needs to find a field to glean in to provide for Naomi and herself. I am sure that Naomi would have told Ruth of the laws God had given on the care of the poor, widowed and orphan. She would have learned of the gleaning; they were returning at harvest time. Had Ruth ever had to work before? Did she help her mother at home, while servants went out bring in the harvest? Mahlon would have provided for her once they were married. I can only imagine going out and gleaning was a new concept for her. How would she be treated? Would she be allowed to glean in the fields? She had to work, she had to find grain, so out of need and obedience, she went.

She ended up at Boaz's field, she asked to work, and it was granted her. She had gained a reputation as a woman of excellence in Bethlehem, perhaps that is why the field boss allowed her to glean, disregarding her being a Moabite. Grace.

When Boaz learned who she was, he gave instruction to allow her to follow after the servants, no longer gleaning the edges of the fields, no one was to mistreat her, she was to drink from the servants water jugs. Boaz was blessing Ruth for her care and obedience to Naomi. Ruth was the recipient of much grace because of her desire to follow after God.

As a widow, I have often times found myself having to do something, not because I wanted to, but because I had no choice. No one was there to do it for me, I know longer had a provider and protector. I have to make the decision when to get new tires, or do I get the brakes done on the car first and wait on the broken tooth. What deductible do I get for my health insurance? Do I try to fix the plumbing myself? How long can I deal with a cracked windshield? These are all decisions I didn't have to make before, and there are days I resent having to make them. I don't want to have too. I rather plan a menu, make fresh bread, and make tea and read in the garden while the bread rises. But that is not what I am call to now. It wasn't what Ruth was called to. She had to go find work. I have to go find work. It is the way of it, and I am trusting, as I obey, God will give the grace and honor my efforts to do what I know I have to do, not because I deserve it, but because that is what grace is all about.

Devotions with Ruth

2011-06-25T10:00:00.000-07:00

Perhaps if Ruth had had the same favorite devotional book I have, and she read today selection, she would have highlighted, circled, marked, dated and re read it like I did, and found the same encouragement for the journey that I did.

My times are in Your hands. Psalms. 31.15 (Jeff's song)

Every purpose of the Lord shall be performed. Jeremiah 51.29

'I am so glad! It is such rest to know,

That Thou hast ordered and appointed all.

And wilt yet order and appoint my lot.

For though so much I cannot understand, (it is hard Lord, the unseen)

And would not choose, has been and yet may be,

Thou choosest, Thou performest, Thou, my Lord.

That is enough for me. Francis Havergal

'We mustn't be in a hurry to fix and choose our own lot; we must wait to be guided. We are led on, like the little children, by a way that we know not. It is a vain thought to flee from the work that God appoints us, for the sake of finding a greater blessing to our won souls; as if we could choose for our selves where we shall find the fulness of the Divine Presence, instead of seeking it where alone it is to be found, in loving obedience.'

George Eliot (seeking employment June 25-2011)

Taken from Daily Strength for Daily Needs - Mary W. Tileston

Naomi

2011-06-23T09:02:00.000-07:00

Often times Naomi gets the reputation of being a bitter woman once she is widowed. I beg to differ. As a widow, I think I can say I understand her heart, though I have never sat and visited with Naomi. I see her as a grieving, hurting, lonely woman, who has great faith in her God. Remember, Ruth told Naomi she would make Naomi's God, her God. Obviously, her faith was strong, even in the darkest depths of her soul.

Naomi means pleasant. Her daughter in laws loved her, they didn't want to leave her, so we make the assumption she was indeed a lovable, pleasant, kind lady. My mother in law was a pleasant, kind, loving, supportive lady. She loved me, and I loved her. She always had a strong, albeit, childlike faith. Her wisdom and words were always that of the Lord. She always encouraged Dale and I to walk faithfully. She was a dear lady. She too was a widow, at an early age, with small children, 5 to be exact. How I have wished she was still here so that I could talk to her about her journey and struggles. All I have now is what I know of her faith and her love for the Lord, and all the encouragement she gave in the years I knew her.

'She said them," Do not call me Naomi; call me Mara for the Almighty has dealt very bitterly with me. I went out full, but the Lord has brought me back empty. Why do you call me Naomi, since the Lord has witnessed against me and the Almighty has afflicted me?" ' Ruth 1.20,21

Sounds harsh and bitter doesn't it? Being a widow, this is what I hear in Naomi's words.

'Please don't call me Pleasant, I don't feel pleasant, I don't feel perky and social. I am hurting, I am exceedingly sorrowful, in the very depths of my soul. I know that God Almighty, the All-Sufficient One, has brought this into my life. I know that Yaweh has taken away all that was dear to me. Don't call me Pleasant, I am deeply, bitterly, grieving.' Do you hear a difference? That is were I was 2 1/3 years ago. I never questioned God as to why He took Dale. I didn't like it, I hurt tremendously from his death. I couldn't think straight, I didn't want to think. In my soul I wanted to close the door and be alone, I didn't want words of comfort, they didn't help. I didn't want to be around perky, happy people, who tried, overly so, to make me happy. My joy was gone, I hurt and wanted to be left alone. I think this is where Naomi was.

Her faith was strong, for why would she refer to God as the All Sufficient One, if she was bitter towards God. She recognized the death of her husband and sons had come from God, she recognized that His sufficiency was all she had left. She knew in the deep grief, God would provide. Is that not why she went home, to where family was, where there was now a great harvest? God would provide. He would take care of her, she knew that.

A week ago, I finally came to that place of truly acknowledging that my plight was from God's hand. I knew it in my head, I knew the scriptures that supported that, but for the first time, my heart and my head joined forces, and I verbally said to the Lord, 'I know that this is from Your hand. I know You are God Almighty, the All Sufficient One. You will provide for me.' What a burden lifted! What a joy and new strength filled my heart! Why did it take me so long to come to this point?

Often I am lonely. Often I am fretful about my future and finances. Often I curl up in a heap and cry till my eyes burn; the bitterness of my soul. YET, I know the Lord will provide all I need, everyday, this minute, as well as the days to come. I am in the process of looking for work, in an economy that is in a slump, plying for the same positions that all the high schoolers and college kids want. It looks bleak on that level. But God is the All Sufficient One, I will trust, I will do all I know I need to and then watch Him provide, as He always has, even though my heart still grieves. I will strive to be a woman of great faith like Naomi.

Three Widows and Going Home

2011-06-15T10:27:00.000-07:00

The first chapter of Ruth, finds Elimelech, a man from Bethlehem, his wife and two sons, leaving their home at a time of famine, to go to a land where they can find food. Elimelech takes them to Moab. For a Hebrew, this was maybe not the wisest choice. Moab was a people of false gods, of child sacrifice, a people God had cursed. They were a people of beginnings with Lot, in Sodom and Gomorrah as a result of incest. Not a place I would wish to take my family, but to Moab they went.

We don't know the time factor, but after being there for a time, Elimelech died, leaving Naomi alone with her sons. At some point they each took wives of Moab. And for ten years, Mahlon and Chilion took care of their wives and mother. Then, they both died. Now we have three widows, alone, with no one to provide and protect them, grieving. A mother in law and her two foreign, pagan daughter in laws. What a picture. Again, at some point, Naomi hears that 'the Lord had visited His people in giving them food.' Naomi wanted to go home. Home to what she knew, what was familiar, home to her family and friends. She was a foreigner in a godless land. The three widows started for Bethlehem, when Naomi told Ruth and Orpah to go back to their families as she could not provide for them in any way. They were young, could remarried, be taken care of. Through tears, and kisses and hugs, Orpah returned to her family, Ruth 'clung' to Naomi. It is here that Ruth makes a declaration of faith; 'your people shall be my people, and your God, my God. A pagan woman, turning her back on her family and the godlessness she has known all her life, to seek God Almighty, Jehovah. The ladies proceeded to Bethlehem.

We had lived in Reedsport for almost 6 years when Dale passed away. We had grown to love it and the people in the church. It was home. Yet the moment Dale took his last breath, it was no longer home to me. I wanted to go home. I wanted to be close to my family, my girls, my grandson. Six months later, Emily and I made the transition, uprooted, and headed north. It was a natural response to want to leave Reedsport. We had gone there because Dale was called to serve at the church. We had no connection to it before hand. We had no family there. Dale being there, being there as a family made it home. With him gone, our reason for coming there nullified, I wanted to go home.

Both Orpah and Naomi had the same natural response. It was apparent that Orpah loved her mother in law, for she wept at the thought of leaving her. At first she didn't want to go home. But her heart must have tugged at the thought of leaving her own family so much so that she stayed. She is often given a bad rap for staying in that pagan place. But it was home to her. Naomi's response likewise was normal and natural, though there may have been some she had gotten acquainted with, friends, in laws, who didn't want to see her go, thought she was crazy. Moab was not home to Naomi, Bethlehem was.

When I made the decision to leave Reedsport, there were those in the church that couldn't understand why I would leave. They felt it was my home, that they had become my 'family'. Feelings were hurt, friendships dissolved when I left. They just didn't get it. God had called us to that place, why would I go. Why? Dale was gone. He was the reason we were called there. I was no longer the pastors wife. My reason, my purpose for being there had ended. It was time to go home. It was a normal, natural response.

You may have friends who have lost a spouse and are making decisions similar to this; leaving a job, moving away. Be supportive. Please don't think you know what is best for them. Don't tell them they are wrong that they should do what makes you feel good, what you want. Believe me, it only adds to the difficulty of their plight, to the deep sorrow and grief they are going through. Pray for them, love them, encourage them. Making those kinds of decisions are hard enough to make on your own without feeling your are disappointing those you love.

Journeying with Ruth

2011-06-10T18:20:00.000-07:00

It never ceases to amaze me how God works in my life, or maybe better put, what He has to do to get my attention. But Sunday, He knew exactly what to do.

My Pastor is on sabbatical for the summer, which I think is a very cool thing for the church to give him. A time to re-tool, re-fresh, re-focus, and to finish his doctorate. As a result of his absence, our youth pastor is stepping up to the plate and doing a majority of the teaching. Pastor Nate, like Pastor Karl truly has the gift of teaching, we are doubly blessed as a church. Sunday morning when Pastor Nate took to the pulpit, he told how he would be teaching through the Book of Ruth. 'Great!', I thought, 'I love the Book of Ruth!' Little did I know what was next.

As he started to teach, a wave of emotion overtook me, then came a flood, soon followed by a tsunami. It felt as though the Lord tore wide open my heart leaving me feeling raw, vulnerable and as though Dale has only passed away the day before. It was all new, and fresh again. My it hurt! As Pastor Nate continued teaching, my tears continued, I wanted to get up and go home, but one downside to the habit of sitting at the front, is everyone would see me go. I stayed, and endured.

Prior to Sunday, I was feeling very overwhelmed with the fact I would soon be looking for full time work. I have never had to work outside the home. I have never wanted to. I was blessed to have a husband who was a wonderful provider, which allowed me to take care of him and the girls, and to do the things I love doing. Fear, gripping fear, anxiousness, anger, had hold of my heart. Why at age 50 was I now having to do something I have never wanted to do?

Monday morning, still feeling raw, I sat to have my devotions, and decided that there must be a reason the Lord has Pastor Nate teach about Ruth. There must be a reason why God tore open the floodgates of my heart. I would study the Book of Ruth during the time Pastor Nate would be teaching it. I would make it mine. I would see what the Lord had for me in it. He never wastes time when it comes to His word.

As I reread the first 18 verses over and over, I keep saying, through more tears, 'I want to be faithful like Ruth', ' I want the same kind of faith Naomi and Ruth had.' Faithful. As the week progressed, as I continued to reread those same verses, God was strengthening my heart. I went to a book case and pulled out a very precious book, called God Rules, God Cares, and God provides: Lessons from the Book of Ruth, by Dale Valovich. I held the book, caressed it, turned to the last page and smiled at Dale's picture, and cried some more. I started to reread the book. It was good to 'hear' his voice again. To read his words that he spoke as he taught the Book of Ruth, and how it spoke to my heart, as his words spoke to me.

I have come to some wonderful conclusions this week, some new realizations, some new joys, and I wanted to share them, as perhaps, there is one out there who like me is a widow, and is dawning on a new horizon. In the weeks to come I will be writing what I learn, sharing my heart perhaps in a different way than I have before.

I hope you will be blessed by this journey with Ruth and I. I hope someone will be helped and encouraged by it. I am excited to see where the Lord takes me as I go out to 'glean' in the fields, being obedient to whatever He calls me to.

Handing in My Resignation

2011-05-26T15:24:00.000-07:00

"Resignation to the will of God is the whole of piety; it includes in it all that is good; and is a source of the most settled quiet and composure of mind." Joseph Butler

This is just one thing I have read this week that spoke to my stubborn heart. Those of you who know me well, know how I have been struggling with the fact that I will soon be having to work, outside the home, really for the first time since I got married. This July would have been 30 years of marriage for Dale and I. He was always the provider, and I liked it like that. Now with him gone, it is time for me to earn a living. Yet, this week the Lord really has been working in my heart, and it has been good. The following sums it up, in an email I sent to a friend this morning.

This has been a week of very specific learning at our Saviors hand, as He as been gently trying to break me of my resentment and fear of having to work. Each day He has shown me how to release one more finger on my tightly clenched fist. Contentment, resignation, faith, trust, seeing His will as good.

As I read Ps 33 this morning, these words hit me between the eyes; 'For the word of the Lord is upright; and all His work is done in faithfulness.' All His work, not just part, even the afflicting works. I pulled out my commentary on the Psalms by Spurgeon, and found words to hang my hat on.

'Let us not present old worn out praise, but put life and soul, and heart, into every song, since we have new mercies every day, and see new beauties in the work and word of our Lord.' I have been singing with worn out praise, and often ignoring the new mercies.

'Whatever God has ordained must be good, and just, and excellent. There are no anomalies in God's universe, except what sin has made; His word of command made all things good...God writes with a pen that never blots, speaks with a tongue that never slips, acts with a hand which never fails.'

All He has done, and is doing in my life is good, and just, and excellent, if I see it through His eyes. I don't always like what He has done, is doing, but He has never asked me to collaborate on what is best for me. All He has asked is that I trust His faithfulness, and sing. With joy!

Letting go. Letting God be God. Accepting His will, and shutting up; no murmuring, no complaining, just praise, lots of praise.

Below is a song that I really like, that continues with this thought. I hope it encourages your heart.

To Droop or not to Droop...

2011-05-20T07:30:00.000-07:00

" We should all endeavor and labor for a calmer spirit, that we may the better serve God in praying to Him and praising Him; and serve one another in love, that we may be fitted to do and receive good; that we may make our passage to heaven more easy and cheerful, without drooping and hanging the wing. So much as we quiet and cheerful upon good ground, so much we live, and are, as it were, in heaven." Rev. Richard Sibbs (1577-1635)

...bearing in mind your...
...work of faith...
...labor of love...
...steadfastness of hope...
...with joy...
...to serve the Living and True God.... I Thessalonians 1. 3,6,9

With joy, not droopy wings.

Well Seasoned

2011-05-18T08:29:00.000-07:00

I have a cold. I haven't been sick in two years, so of course it has knocked me off my feet the last two days, and it comes on a week where I am preparing for a fair. It's the first time I have ever had a booth of any kind at a fair, I have been really excited, and a bit nervous about it, so why a cold now? I am pretty sure I contracted it while spending 4 1/2 hours in the ER for my dad, on Sunday night. Hospitals are not germ free! But that really isn't the point of this post.

This morning I made my usual cup of tea to sip as I had my devotions. As I was drinking it I realized, that because of my congestion, I couldn't taste the tea. For someone who loves tea, who is trying to make a living selling tea, it was a bit disconcerting to say the least. As I read the scripture passage, I had to grin:

"Conduct yourselves with wisdom towards outsiders, making the most of the opportunity.
Let your speech be seasoned with grace, seasoned, as it were, with salt, so that you may know how you should respond to each person." Colossians 4.5,6

My tea was tasteless, not of my own doing, but tasteless none the less. But my life, that is to be another matter.

Yesterday, my neighbor brought me some fresh caught Halibut. We started to chat, and the conversation lead to things of the Lord. "You're a religious woman..." as he shared his heart. I don't know how he knew of my faith, we have never spoken of it before. Perhaps he sees me going to church every Sunday; my prayer is that Jesus is seen in me in all I do and say. Anyway, we spoke of some basic things, nothing too meaty, but after he left I prayed, 'Okay, Lord you have opened the door. Make me always ready to know what to say." And then I read this passage today.

My point is this. Because of being in the Word daily, my life should always be Christ-like. Because of being in the Word daily, my speech should always be seasoned with Christ. Because of being in the Word daily, I should always be ready to know how to respond to anyone I cross paths with. Though my tea was tasteless, my life should always be well seasoned, spicy, peppered with Christ so that I am always at the ready to give an account of what I believe, of Who I believe in.

I know that this cold will not last forever, my taste will come back. I will continue to drink my tea, whether I can taste it or not, just as I will continue to be in God's word so that my life, my words, my actions will always be tasteful.

Glimpses

2011-05-14T08:55:00.001-07:00

I love the sound of a lawn mower, it takes me back to a simpler time, when my life was less complicated. A time of running, playing, jumping out of the hay loft into a mound of fragrant straw, swinging on the rope swing in the barn, riding bikes up the little lane, laying under the maple trees and daydreaming.

My life and the lives of loved ones have been whirlwinds of late, and I for one am ready for a get-away, all by myself, no electronics, just some hushed place waiting to refresh my soul. Whether that happens or not, I don't know, because life keeps coming at me some good, some not so good.

All I know is that my God is faithful, even when it may not seem like it. My needs are meet, I am grateful. I have no complaints, though I complain far to often. He is ever present, even when it doesn't feel like it. How often I wish for a tangible, warm body. Yet, He gives companionship when I need it, though not always when I want it.

Fact: Life is hard. Sometimes it stinks, a lot. But even in the midst of the hard and ugly, God always seems to give glimpses of His goodness and glory. That is what keeps me going.

Picture from Google Images

YAY!!!

2011-04-18T13:47:00.001-07:00

Caitlin is being released this afternoon! She is doing really well! We will most likely stay one more night and head home tomorrow. Thank you, thank you, thank you, for all the prayers you offered up on Caitlin's behalf. We so very much appreciate it!

Cailtin

2011-04-16T16:33:00.000-07:00

Caitlin update: Just got back from the hospital. All wires and tubes are out! She will be going to a regular room shortly. She looks really good. She woke up while Em and I were there. She had her serious face on, no smiles, but it was really good to see her deep blue eyes.

Giving Thanks

2011-04-14T14:48:00.000-07:00

Thanks that Caitlin's surgery went well. She will be in NICU for a couple days. The biggest concern now is infection. Please pray none will set in, and that there will be no leakage at the site of the bi-pass. Thank you all for your prayers!!!!!!!!

Thanks for my health and life. What an emotional, and humbly place to be than at a Children's hospital, and staying at a Ronald McDonald house. So many children, most with no hair, some moving on their own power, some in wheelchairs, wee ones in strollers, a few walking connected to IV's. We have shed tears, it is times like this you ask the Lord, 'why?'.

It has been a very real and visible reminder to me, that my life is near perfect, I have nothing to complain about, everything to be grateful for.

Update, Repost

2011-04-13T09:31:00.000-07:00

This morning Caitlin is having pre-op appointments. Poor wee thing! Poked and prodded all day. Her mama is weary as she hasn't had much sleep the past few nights, and though there is a 'quiet curfew' here at the Ronald McDonald house, there were some folks last night that did not observe it. So, we are all dragging a bit this morning. Please continue to pray for little Caitlin. 7:30am tomorrow, is the surgery time. Also, the other day I posted about Jennifer Rizzo and her cool give away on her blog. Well, she has upped he anty! You really should enter, I did! Giveaway!

Caitlin

2011-04-12T09:47:00.001-07:00

This Thursday, Caitlin, now 6 months, will be having heart surgery. My kids and I would very much covet your prayers as we go throught this time. I will be up in Seattle with them to help take care of Joshua, while Caitlin recovers, which could be up to 2 weeks. This has been a tough path for me as a mom to watch my daughter walk down. I can't fix it. I can't make it easier, but I am so grateful the Lord can. I will post as often as I can about how things go, and how my precious Caitlin does as she recovers. I thank you ahead of time for the prayer that I know will ascend on our behalf.

Jennifer Rizzo

2011-04-11T14:34:00.001-07:00

I have made mention before about my pretty blogs that I like to read, Jennifer Rizzo is one such pretty blog. Jennifer is a writer and artist. She has a new line of jewelry and upcycled clothing on Etsy. You can check it out here. Or a quick look on her blog here.

Her things are fun and fresh. I think her crocheted bracelets are pretty nifty. The fact that she upcycles clothing, makes my heart happy, as upcycling, a trending word for upscaling recycled clothing is near and dear to my heart.

Take a peek at her blog, her writing is lovely and it is one of my favorites to read. While you are on her blog, you may want to take advantage of the give away she is hosting for her new line.

To be perfectly honest

2011-04-10T15:35:00.000-07:00

...this has been my mind set as of late; "Why have you brought [me] out of Egypt to die here in the wilderness? There is nothing to eat here and nothing to drink. And [I] hate this horrible manna!" Numbers 21.5. I didn't really realize that my my hearts attitude till I read this verse, yet at the same time, I knew something was building inside, waiting to explode.

I shan't bore you with the details, but I believe I have been dealing with a bit of a crisis of faith. Not a doubting, or disbelief of who Christ is in my life, just wondering where He has been lately. I know He is sovereign, I know He holds my times in His faithful hand, I know He will provide and care for me, meeting all my needs, He always has, I know He always will. I know these things in my spirit, but there is a disconnect with my heart.

"I hate this horrible manna!" Why? When I read this verse, the answer came. I have not understood the 'manna' He has given me, because it is not what I have wanted, what I have hoped for, what I have thought I needed. My life these past 3 years have not been the script I would have written. I would not have done to myself what the Lord has chosen to do with my life. I have been resentful, angry and ungrateful, much like the Israelites. I am weary in every way. I am tired of the wilderness. I can't see the big picture, though what I do see of my future causes an overwhelming fear.

Today, at church my pastor asked the question, 'how well do you know Jesus?' That struck a cord in me, for there has been much of what I have 'known' of Jesus that has been stripped to the bare bone since Dale's passing. My faith has been challenged, and in many ways, found wanting.

How well do I know Jesus? With sword dragging, weary yet pursuing, I am determined to find out.

Paint and flour sacks

2011-04-09T12:46:00.000-07:00

There's a new shabby chic shop in town, Ronnie Nichol's. Em and I went and checked it out the other day. Love it! One of the things I spotted, and yes, came home with were a couple of chairs, $5 a piece. The picture isn't that great, but here they are. I sanded them down and originally planned on just giving them a wash, but I didn't like how it looked, so I just painted them with Pistachio Cream. I really like how they turned out. They are the same color as the dresser/sideboard I did a little while ago. Again, the picture isn't that great, but I think you can detect the color enough. Some day I will have a real camera!

I have had a stockpile of olf flour sack fabric for a few years, and thought they might make nice seat covers.

Not a huge, highly impressive project, but I do love my new chairs, and just wanted to share.

Jeffery-Effery

2011-04-04T19:30:00.000-07:00

This is Jeffery, my nephew, by friendship. I have known his mom for 32 years. Sus and I met at Ecola Hall Bible School in Cannon Beach Oregon. She and I have seen a lot of life between us. One of those things was her desire to became pregnant...long story short, Jeffery was a miracle baby. I remember holding him for the first time, almost 16 years ago, a little preemie, who now is a whooping 6' 2", with a size 15 foot. He is a sophomore in High School, loves computer graphics, and I just discovered, love photography. That's his photo in my banner. When I saw that picture, I had to have in my stash of pathway photos. I was pleased when he said I could use it. He does some amazing stuff. No moral to this post, I just wanted to brag about him and give you a peek at some of his work. Love you Jeffers!

See, I really do like pathway pictures.

Influence

2011-03-30T20:55:00.000-07:00

"...but with hope that as your faith grows, we shall be, within our sphere, enlarged even more by you..." II Corinthians 10.15

This is a one verse that I have been looking at as I prepare for a 'talk' I will be doing in May. One aspect of that talk will be about our influence on the lives of others. Is our influence for good or ill? Do we look like Jesus, or the world? Am I influencing or trying to impress? These are all questions I keep asking myself as I walk this trodden path.

This week, I have been subbing for my sister and her husband, at the Christian school where they teach. One of the things I have asked of the Lord is that I would in some small way be an influence on these kids, that they would see Jesus in me. I hope they have, being that I had to show them the mean side of Mrs. V, when I had to come down on them for continual lack of volume control. Is that what they will remember this week, the crazy sub who lost her cool?

There have been a couple of the students who have made an influence on me, I will call them C and D. C is a tall, gangly, pimply 6th grader who has Autism. As you can guess, he is not much included by the students, though they are polite enough to him. He is a smart young man, and once he understands the pattern of what he is to do on a worksheet, he does well. He is awkward and shy, but is unfazed by it. He goes along his way, with joy, and a literal pep in his step. He has a life long struggle ahead of him, because of his Autism. In a way, I hope he never realizes it will be a struggle, as I don't want him to ever lose his joy and delight. By his conduct and countenance, he has reminded me, my lot in life is a drop in the bucket, and that joy is always to be had.

D is a tall, pudgy, beamy faced 6th grader. He is talkative, bright, and seems to be a leader in the class, yet he has a very compassionate heart. On more than one occasion this week, he has offered to work with C on class work, or has included him to be with the other boys. One project C wanted to be the scribe for the group, because of his Autism, he quickly became overwhelmed with the task. D caught on, asked him kindly if he wanted to continue to write, or if he wanted one of the others to do it. C relinquished the task. D's kindness, and discernment floored me. He was looking out for the other guy. He has reminded me that though I often feel like the odd man out, the wall flower, there will always be someone else who needs me to come along side, to include, to encourage.

Have I made an influence in this small sphere of students, in the task I have been called to this week? I don't know. I do know my heart has been convicted and encouraged all at the same time by these two boys, who are totally unaware that they, by their faith, have 'enlarged' me within their own little spheres. I reckon that's how it is suppose to work.

Still, My Soul be Still

2011-03-27T11:56:00.000-07:00

I listened to this song on the way to church this morning. A much needed reminder of who God is, and who I am not.

By Keith and Kristyn Getty

Daily Littles

2011-03-23T09:00:00.000-07:00

I have company coming today. My 3 girls, my mom, and my 3 precious grand babies. This is our weekly get-together. Since they are coming, I must straighten the house, sweep, and vacuum, dishes, and my lest favorite chore, dusting. I hate dusting. It is pointless, as within seconds, it starts to accumulate. And to make it worse, I have a wood stove, so not only do I have dust, I have gray, fuzzy, grimy dust. You should see my ceiling fan!

'With meekness, humility, and diligence, apply yourself to the duties of your condition. They are the seemingly little things which make no noise that do the business.' Henry More

'Whatever you do in word or deed, do all the the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through Him to God the Father.' Colossians 3.17

'Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord, rather than men...it is the Lord Christ you serve.' Colossians 3. 23, 25

The daily littles, the routine, and mundane, when done in thanksgiving, heartily, it becomes a form of worship, unto the Lord. Perhaps cleaning up the gray, fuzzy, grimy dust, will be a reminder of the internal grim, whereby seeking forgiveness, receiving grace, I can go about my daily littles with joyful, heart-filled thanksgiving. Where is that dust rag?

PS- Good words, Mr. Henry More, but I bet you didn't have to do the dusting.

Jaclyn

2011-03-22T10:49:00.000-07:00

I am reading a book called, 'One Thousand Gifts', by Ann Voskamp. A friend sent it to me recently, and it has been timely. The crux of the book, thanksgiving and the practice of it. It is easy to give thanks when things are going well, but not so easy in the difficult.

In reading the book I learned that the Greek for thanksgiving is eucharisteo. That word encompasses the Greek word charis, meaning grace, a derivative of the word chara, means joy. I love how very much the Lord is even in the minute of our vocabulary. So, we give thanks when we see God's hand of grace, and we joy in it. But what about the times of struggle, as I had yesterday,or the times we watch loved ones pass away, or make horrid choices, seeing the world crumble in front of us. Can we give thanks then?

'And He took bread, gave thanks and broke it...' Luke 22.19 This was the night of Christ's betrayal, the day before His Crucifixion. Knowing this, He still gave thanks. Ann Voskamp refers to this as a 'hard eucharisteo', a hard thanksgiving. When was the last time I truly gave thanks for difficulty in my life? I think sometimes the act of thanksgiving in hard times is our conduct in the midst of it all, the spirit we show, the trust, the grace and joy we live, even when we don't understand and inside our heart hurts.

Jaclyn has been an example of joy and grace, in the midst of her hard eucharisteo. She has been in ill health for the past few years. She had to leave college because of it. She at times has been reduced to a wheelchair. Doctors have been baffled. Heads shake. Yet, though it all Jaclyn has been a strong, gentle, joyful young lady. I know there have been days of angst, of frustration, maybe anger at her situation, but I have never seen it.

For the next couple of days, she will yet again, go through a battery of intense tests, to try to find out what is wrong. Poking, prodding, room to room, hospital food, hospital bed, new faces, more questions, the same questions, in hope of a solution. Even still, I know Jaclyn will have a smile on her face, her sweet, gentle voice will be used to share Jesus with those around her.

Please pray for wisdom on the doctors part. That they will find the right thing, and give a name to this illness. Pray for continued grace, and joy for Jaclyn and her family, emotionally, physically, and spiritually.

Can you and I have grace and joy in our hard eucharisteo today?

I need to rant...

2011-03-21T16:05:00.000-07:00

so don't read this if you are in a good mood. Today is one of those days I am struggling hard not to resent my lot in life. Today, I hate the fact that I am a widow, that I no longer have my husband to buffer me from the things of this world. These 'things' aren't huge things to most people, they are common enough occurrences that they probably don't even bat an eye. To me, they loom big, and black, and ominous, and I just want to run, and hide, and cry, okay, and eat chocolate, lots of chocolate, but I know it won't solve anything.

So, ladies, cause I don't think any men read this blog, cut your husbands some slack, realize they do more for you than you know, and that is a precious thing. Yes, I know they can drive you crazy, mine did on occasion, but oh, how I would love to be driven crazy again.

It's been a day...

2011-03-19T20:40:00.000-07:00

...a busy day. A day of helping plant 150 trees and shrubs at church...

...of firsts...of courage, something I don't often have...

...of getting the soil of my own garden under my fingernails. It felt good.

...of a nice, hot bath. It too, felt good.

And now bedtime beckons, as an early morning looms.

A new day...

...where I will help to lead worship at church...

...where a pot of tea, a good book, and perhaps a nap await.

But first the sounds of the ending of a day...

...the gentle squeak of the ceiling fan pushing the warm air from the wood stove through the room...

...of dishes being done...

...of a pacing dog wanting outside, one more time...

...of rain against the windows...

It's been a day. It's been a good day.

We're home...

2011-03-15T20:06:00.000-07:00

and a might weary. Caitlin is doing fine. She came through the procedure with flying colors. The doctor was very pleased with the pressure readings, we are grateful for that. We should know in a few days when her surgery will be.

Thank you so much for your prayers, it has meant so much to us as a family, knowing so many were bathing us in prayer. This has been a huge emotional thing for us, and we still have the surgery yet. With that in mind, know you will be called upon for prayers for that.

I appreciate you, my friends and followers for being here for us. You all are the best!

For her heart

2011-03-13T17:38:00.000-07:00

This is my sweet grandgirl, Caitlin. Tomorrow morning she will be having a heart catheter done. She is 5 months old. In a week or so, she will be having heart surgery. Would you please be in prayer for her, her parents, us as a family and the Drs. and staff as we go through this very anxious time.

(Correction- Her catheter is being done early Tuesday morning, not Monday morning)

It is hard as a mom, and grandma to not be able to fix this. To have to watch my daughter go through this. I can't tell you how it feels every time I hold this little one, all the emotions of joy, fear, worry, love floods my soul. I can't fix her heart, fix the situation, only the Lord can, and that is where we whole-heart-edly put our trust.

Transformation

2011-03-12T09:21:00.000-08:00

I need one. One of my greatest downfalls is I am very undisciplined, which unfortunately has a companion always in hot pursuit, unmotivated. I have been in a huge slump the past two years. My purpose for doing everything centered around my husband and kids. With just me now to take care of, I often have days of, why bother. I don't like that feeling.

I was married to a man for almost 28 years, who was mega disciplined. He had everything, 'dress right dressed', a term often used leftover from military days. He was so organized and disciplined, he could always tell when I had opened the dresser drawer where we kept the check book. He kept his wallet, keys, and such in it, all neatly laid out. If I shut the drawer a little to hard, things wwould go off kilter, and he would ask, 'who has been in my drawer?' He know it was me, I was the only other one who got into it.

He was a runner, disciplined to run 4 times a week. He always put things back as soon as he was done with them. He always knew when the oil in the car needed to be change, when the tires needed to be rotated, how much money we could spend each month, always had directions mapped out.

I have had to learn to be more disciplined since I now have to know when to change the oil, how much money I can spend each month. No, I don't run 4 times a week, I should. I hate exercising, and unfortunately it shows. I use to walk several times a week. Motivation: wanting to like nice for my physically fit husband. The issue now, the awful mind set, 'why bother, no one to look good for now'.

All this depressing verbage to say this, I want to be done with the old mindset. I don't like the rut I have been in. It is time for transformation.

II Corinthians 3:18 'But we all, with unveiled face beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed in the same image from glory to glory, just as from the Lord, the Spirit."

Mirrors don't lie. They don't say a word, but always tell the truth, whether a physical mirror, or the spiritual mirror of God's word. Being in God's word, will reveal who I am, that's the Holy Spirits job, to show me where my blemishes are, that I am flabby and need to tone up, to be transformed. To show the image of Christ, to show His glory, here on earth, not just when I am transformed to my new heavenly body. Now, this glory on earth, His image now. You can't do that while being stagnant and undisciplined. I realized being undisciplined is very selfish, its pitiful, its wrong. And I don't want to be like that anymore. I want to transform, to be a new and different me, one that shows God's glory and the image of Christ.

During this Lenten season, I am giving up me, to allow the Lord to transform me to His likeness. I know that means it will often be uncomfortable, it means I have to be disciplined and motivated to do what needs to be done. I am grateful that this is where the Holy Spirit comes in to guide and instruct, to empower me. 7 weeks of Lent, wonder what I will look like by Resurrection day. Hmmm? Here I go!

Images by Google (sorry for the two different fonts, I don't know)

"Oh my Giddy Aunt!"

2011-03-10T09:39:00.000-08:00

To quote a friend, quoting me.

Do you can? I have for years. I have often said, I will can just about anything. I was the one who wanted people to leave their six foot long Zucchinis in my car at church, I was the only one not locking the car doors for that very reason. Though it is just me now, I don't can as much as I use to. I did make a bunch of Cabbage patch soup last autumn for my daughter to have on hand after her baby was born. Jams and Jellies, some relish and tuna, sit in the pantry waiting their turn at table. I often wished that the canning lids were reusable, they are getting more expensive, and once used, that's it. Wrong!

Today, while doing a bit of blog hopping, found out that some wonderful person, I am sure some woman, has made reusable canning lids! Oh my Giddy Aunt!!! Check out what Ang has to say about them. This family of 8 live in the Amish community, are farming, and living off the grid. She is even having a give-away on her blog for some of these wonder lids.

So, what is next to can? I will be making some violet jelly. I have some of the most fragrant violets under the cherry tree. Shortbread, tea and violet jelly...can it get more delightful than that?

Simple Grace

2011-03-06T22:06:00.001-08:00

I love this picture. Tasha Tudor was one of my favorite people. No, I did not know her personally, but I felt like we were friends. For years I have love her artwork and books. I have some of her children's books she has illustrated and written, one that is rare, and hard to find, that I picked up at a library sale for a quarter.

Every spring I read a book written about her and her garden. I long to have a garden like she had. When I read it, I long for the simple life style she lived. I long to draw, and watercolor, to have chickens and goats, to have a dovecote, to wear dresses made out of handwoven fabric, and of course to have a Corgi.

Her artwork, though detailed, were also very simple, you felt like you were part of the picture. She loved to sit in her garden to sketch and paint. When it was too cold out, she would bring bits of the outside world in, and sketch by the fire.

Her first book, Pumpkin Moonshine, was written and illustrated in hopes of earning income, 'to keep the wolves from the door', to provide for her and her children, after her husband left the family. Provide it did.

Tasha died in June of 2008, but her legacy lives on. The family has a website where I can still go and dream of the simple grace Tasha had. I hope I get to live next door to her in heaven.

http://www.tashatudorandfamily.com/

I have a confession to make.

2011-03-04T09:00:00.000-08:00

I think I am becoming addicted to blogs. Not just any blogs, pretty blogs. I have recently found some wonderful blogs, written by woman who are sharing beauty with others. I love it!

I have been in much need of beautification in my life. The past 2 years, really haven't had the desire and motivation to create beauty, but then I have shared all this in a recent post.

I am always amazed at the creativity of others. I have to be careful not to compare myself, as I usually end up making myself feel I'm not as creative as I like to think. But these blogs that I have begun to follow, have sparked a newness in me, a desire for beauty, grace, and thanksgiving again in my life. To you ladies, I thank you.

Today, I discovered another such lovely blog. I'm So Vintage~ is one such blog. Laura's photos are beautiful, her writing lovely, and her eye for beauty is amazing. And she has a wonderful Etsy shop to boot! I have added her blog-dress so you can go and check her out. She is also having a give away if you want to participate.

I'm So Vintage

We all need beauty. I believe as women, we have a God given desire for beauty, to create it for ourselves, and for those around us. So, go out today and create D.A.O.B~ Deliberate Acts of Beauty. I dare you.

White

2011-03-02T13:44:00.000-08:00

I have been making some changes in my home, decor and color wise. I love the shabby chic vintage look. I have for along time. Seeing white walls, white furniture, splashes of color, make me smile. However, that has not how I have decorated in the past. It has been more of a vintage, English cottage, wanna-be style, with a little shabby chic thrown in here and there.

But lately, I have been desiring change, a newness. I think partly now that my girls are out of the nest, and with Dale's passing, I am needing to make these changes, making the house my own, for my new life and new direction.

I have been really inspired by a few other blogs lately. These ladies have by their writings, and beautiful pictures, encouraged me to get out the paint brushes, old linens, and a new perspective in my heart, and bring freshness and a new joy to my life. Joy is my by-word for the year.

Nada Farm Life
Ruby & Co.
Faded Charm Faded Charm has 'White Wednesday' post every, Wednesday. Go check it out as well as the others who have left thumbnails of their white offerings.

You have seen the dresser re-done; I have simplified and declutted the newly painted bookcases, and last night before I went to bed I had an epiphany, and this is the result.

What else would one do with a plate rack and old linens? It is a nice assest to the bath, but now I want to redo the whole bath. Maybe later. For now, I am off to cut some wood to make extra shelving in the kitchen. I will post pictures when it is done. Another first for me, this would have been something my hubby would have done for me. But, I will put on my big girl boots and go to it!

I have a favor...

2011-03-01T17:27:00.001-08:00

Would be go over to my tea blog and help vote on a name for a new blend. The survey is on the top right hand side. I would really appreciate your help. 5 Days left to vote. Thanks!

Survey here

How much wood...

2011-02-28T10:07:00.000-08:00

A few days ago my kind brother in law came to my house to chop some wood and make kindling for me. It is so nice to be able to just go out to the porch to get some wood, instead of going out back and deal with a tarp.

My wood stove has a big belly, but a small mouth, so first task of the day was to take some pieces too big for said small mouth and make them smaller.

I love the whole idea of chopping wood for the stove. There is such a cozy, romantic feeling, knowing I physically added to the warmth of my home, not just by hauling the wood in. However, using an ax still sets butterflies in my stomach, it does unnerve me a bit. But, I over came my fear and chopped the wood, and I still have both legs in tack. A notch on my farm girl, homesteading belt!

Go see what other 'homesteaders' are doing today. Two of my friends are #15 and #21.

Glory to Glory

2011-02-27T16:31:00.000-08:00

It is amazing when you have a truly seeking heart, what the Lord will do, even in a mere 24 hours. A timely arrival of a book from a friend yesterday(written last year), a verse quoted on a friends blog yesterday...worship today in song, the testimony of a man at church and the teaching of God's word...and two verses used by these 4 people, unbeknownst to them, that brought healing, and making sense of recent days in my life. Two verses, I have marked in my bible, ones I have read over and over. Today it clicked. Today it brought release. Today I was able to get beyond...to be reminded that I am truly loved.

'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.
Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you.
And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart.'
Jeremiah 29:11-13

'But we all, with unveiled face beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the His own image from glory to glory, just as from the Lord, the Spirit.'
II Corinthians 3:18

Daily struggles will continue to come. I will have to continue to provide, to make decisions on my own, and carry responsibilities I don't like. These are things I wish didn't have to be, but as I am being transformed, daily, I do so with a renewed knowledge of hope and certainty, by a loving and most patient Lord.

But there it is...

2011-02-26T15:31:00.000-08:00

Well, today was one of those days, where staying in bed would have been a good idea, but I couldn't. Things had to be done, and I had my sister's birthday party to go to.

First off, I had some computer work to do, for a website where the plan is, to sell somethings, to hopefully make a bit of income, as well as just keep my creative juices flowing. I have a love hate relationship with computers. I made several attempts to get set up on the website, and had trouble at every turn. For some reason the site wouldn't remember my login information, and I had to repeatedly start again, having to change things as 'this user ID is already in use', 'this email is already in use'. I know, because it is mine and I am trying to log in!!!! Needless to say, after 2 hours of this, I lost it, big time. Everything looked bleak at this point. So, I decided to go read some blogs. I only got through one. It was so timely. It was what I needed.

The good that lingers in our hurt (from my friend Becki's blog) http://arisgma.blogspot.com/

"Dear God,
Thou art the Father of us all,Thou art the light of our darkness and the hope of our despair.
Thy Spirit is our refuge in hours of strain and tension. Thy presence is our strength when fears assail and doubts annoy. Thou art the sunshine of our poor dripping days:the rainbow overarching all storms that sweep across our days.
When we travel back over the years in retrospect. we are grateful for the quiet voice of conscience that saved us from what might have been. We thank Thee for the inner imperatives that lure us with a sense of what we ought to do or be.
We know that though we ascend into heaven Thou are there, and though we descend into the depths you are there as well. We cannot escape the alluring summons of Your Spirit. We are grateful for teachers who shared with us our learning and inspired us to seek the Truth. We give Thee grateful thanks for those who touched our lives and left us better than they found us.
Do Thou forgive our ingratitude, our childish complaints when things go wrong for us.
Teach us to find the good that lingers in our hurts, to understand the discipline that hides in our disappointments. Enable us to see beyond the everlasting now to what will come if we push on in Trust, Forgive our giving up, and save us from weakness of surrender to the paths of least resistance. We would be strong in Thee. Have mercy upon us when we make excuses for ourselves and miss the lessons our mistakes might teach us.
God give us people in a time like this that demands, people who will honor the marks of integrity, people who will stand sun crowned above the fog of deception.
Give us men and women who will dare to challenge corrupting customs in the name of Christ. who will march against the tides of public thinking for the sake of truth. Inspire us with a deeper faith in things that cannot be seen, and yet are everlasting.
This is my prayer. Father, offered in Jesus name Amen. Anonymous

I wept as I read it, it seemed written just for me, but my heart was still heavy. And now it was time to go to a party and be perky. I didn't feel like being perky. As soon as I got in the car to come home, I started to cry again. It just came. I cried all the way home. My eyes sting. I stoked the fire and went to check emails. There was one from a friend. It was a forward, but it was again timely.

A Prayer for You.
Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.”

Dear Woman of God,
Be still for a while and praise God for His favor, His grace and His awesomeness
God is able to do the impossible and is always near
He loves us unconditionally.

Dear God:
This is my friend, whom I love and this is my prayer for her. Help her live her life
to the fullest.
Please promote her and cause her to excel above her expectations.
Help her to shine in the darkest places where it is impossible to love.
Protect her at all times, lift her up when she needs you the most, and let her know when she walks with you, she will always be safe.

Again, I cried. A reminder that the Lord knows my future. That is is not for calamity, even though if feels calamitous right now. My expectations, they are pretty low at the moment. I want to excel in what the Lord has called me too. I just wish He would answer my cries so I know what it is I am to do. I hate making decisions about my future. I hate that I have to be the provider. I hate that I have to be the head of my home and carry all the responsibility that comes with it. I know all the responses to those things. I know what His word says, but some days, it doesn't seem to help. Sounds awful I know, but there it is.

Snow day

2011-02-25T11:11:00.000-08:00

It is 28 degrees, the sun is brilliant, the sky a soft, wintry azure. The snow, now crunchy from the cold, reflects the sun like little diamonds. It is beautiful. God's handiwork at its best.

Even the brush pile looks pretty.

A snowy, trodden path.

Re-do

2011-02-24T16:55:00.000-08:00

I have been in the process of shabby chic-ing my house. I love the style of white, worn, vintage decor. So, I got some paint last weekend and started the process. I have an old dresser that was my G'pa's. It isn't a great old antique, but a nice piece. It was stored out in a shed one winter and all the veneer peeled off, so it really was in need of a face lift. I have been using it in the dining area as a side board and to house all my table linens. Here is a before~ Sorry for the weird angle.

I chose a color called Pistachio Ice Cream. I really like how it turned out. I makes me smile every time I see it.

Someday, I hope to buy a real camera that takes lovely pictures, so my blog can be like the pretty blogs I follow. But, it gives you an idea of the direction I am going. I will keep you posted with the projects as the go along.

Homesteading

2011-02-23T10:52:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I technically, don't have a homestead. I have a cute 1940's craftsman style wanna be cottage, on a small lot in town. Unfortunately, it has ugly siding on it put on by some ninny, covering up the wonderful original wood siding, sigh. Regardless of living in town, my heart is very much in the country. I grew up on a farm and have been a farm girl ever since. Yet, in my own little sphere I have a 'farm'. I have raised beds where Raspberries, Blueberries and a Currant bush live. I have a bed for my herbs and veggies, though I will be making a separate bed for each so that I can grow a bit more. I have lots of flower beds all around the house. I hope this spring to get chickens.

I can, not as much as when there was a family to feed, I eat organic and natural as much as possible, I bake, make my own cleaners and detergent, even got them published in MaryJanesFarm Magazine a couple years ago, (the link is for the cleaning recipes).

I love to repurpose things. Whether it is making furniture out of old fence board and window, like below~ a project my hubby and I did together.

Or taking rescued fabrics and making them into something new. I am in the process of joining a website, much like Etsy, only smaller. Their main requirements, the products have to be handmade, and the sellers, have to 'farm' to some respect. For this website I will be making a lot of repurposed things, such as hats and clothing for most little girls, pins and hair accessories and more, all from odds and ends of rescued fabrics. I will keep you posted on the website. I think it will be fun.

This is the banner for the new website

Why this post? Well, as I was doing my blog run, reading all the blogs I follow, one blog spoke of posting about 'homesteading' and linked to the blog she got the idea from. So, I thought it would be fun to do the same thing here.
Here are those to blogs:
Deborah Jean
Homestead Barn Hop

As the snow is falling, I have decided to hunker down for the day. I am going to get some sewing done for the new website, while soup is simmering away on the woodstove.

Work? Holiday?

2011-02-21T13:38:00.000-08:00

I had my day all planned and plotted out... a few things have been done, but it is now 1:30pm, and little has been accomplished. Partly due to two phone calls, both lovely and neccessary, so it is okay. But I am so list oriented, it throws me for a loop, to not stay on track, mainly, because if I don't have lists, I don't stay on track, and wonder at the end of the day what was accomplished.

So, the question is this, do I re-write the list, continue on with the prior list, or take a holiday? It is Presidents Day, and schools, banks, and other places are on holiday. I would be justified, on that fact to take a holiday myself. But I have so much to do. I have a cupping to prepare for on Wednesday, a new website, where I need to get some projects made so I can 'load' them on my 'storefront', as the site launches this week. I have painting projects to finish, some slipcovers to make, garden work to be done...Oi! I am tired just writing it all down.

Perhaps I will try to get a few more things done off the list, then call an early day. Maybe, I will work till late to get as much done as I can. Or maybe, a pot of tea, a good book and a fun movie would be what is on the docket. Is that how you spell docket? Maybe I should look it up and just be done for the day.

D.A.O.B

2011-02-18T15:19:00.000-08:00

Deliberate Acts Of Beauty. A couple of posts ago, I wrote about creating beauty in our lives, and how we do that. A few of you left comments telling me how you do that. Thank you.

A couple days later a friend told me how that had really challenged her. She said that the past several years had been hard years, that 'beauty is something I have forgotten, or misplaced in the day to day tasks.' I had to tell her I too had been challenged by my own words, realizing, I had misplaced beauty somewhere as well.

I know that the main reason, is that after Dale's passing, the spirit, desire, drive, to create beauty was snuffed out. When Em got married and left home, and I found myself alone, I felt there was no reason to, cause it was just me. I could eat dinner out of the pan while standing in the kitchen, because there was no reason to set the table, light a candle and sit and enjoy the meal. There was no one to enjoy it with me.

I realized after that last post, it was time to change that. It was time to create Deliberate Acts of Beauty, no matter how small, or whether it was just for me and know one else saw it.

Today, I had a business type meeting with a gal I had never met before. Not being a social butterfly and new encounters unnerve me, I went with fear and trepidation and a lot of prayer. Long story short, I think I have met my twin. What an easy time of conversation and laughter, something we both needed. It was such a God orchestrated meeting. We talked of beauty, something she had just realized she had let slip, just because of the busyness of life. I think that is the key problem for us all. We are too busy, and don't take time for us, for beauty.

After we parted, I stopped at a garden center, usually because I spend too much money there. Being a place of beauty, I decided to do a walk through and just enjoy it. Okay, so I did spend too much money, but every girl should have a pink watering can.

What was your Deliberate Act of Beauty today?

For You

2011-02-13T19:34:00.000-08:00

Beauty

2011-02-12T10:07:00.000-08:00

So, I have been asked to speak at the annual ladies tea at my church this year. The theme is all about the hats we wear as women. Made me giggle when the gal asked me, as I love hats! I have collected them since high school. I have always dreamed of being a milliner. Tea, hats, fits me (no pun intended) to a T. Sorry, I'll stop now.

Anyway, as I have been letting things roll around in my brain as to how to approach this, as I don't want it to be trite, and fluffy, 3 'hats' have come to mind. One of them is Beauty and how was as wives, moms, grama's, daughter's...create beauty in our own spheres for those we love. And it is this point that I would ask a favor.

You my dear readers, all of you, would you please, please, please, leave a comment, however brief, or lengthy, and let me know something you do to create beauty in your life. It can be anything. Always fresh flowers in the home, candles for the family meal, handmade cards for friends...

I really would like to hear what you do, it would be an encouragement to me as I put together my talk. I really appreciate it. So, what say ye?

10 on 10

2011-02-10T17:12:00.000-08:00

Ahh...

2011-02-09T21:40:00.001-08:00

Lace~

Linen~

Lovely~

I love my girls...

2011-02-09T18:27:00.000-08:00

...it's a joy thing~

Of things to come

2011-02-08T14:28:00.000-08:00

'These, as they change, Almighty Father, these, are but the varied God.
The rolling year is full of Thee.
Forth in the pleasing spring Thy beauty walks;
Thy tenderness and love wide flush the fields;
the softening air is balm;
echo the mountains round;
the forest smiles;
and every sense and every heart is joy.' Thomson

It seems rather early, but there are signs of spring in the garden. I just picked a small boquet of the most fragrant Violets. They now abide in an old milk glass medicine bottle, next to my bed. I shall start the yearly ritual of walking the yard every few days to see what shall emerge next from it winters sleep.

O me of little faith!

2011-02-07T20:02:00.000-08:00

This morning I was broadsided by tears, okay a meltdown, would be more accurate. It really did seem to come out of nowhere. Em had just left to head up to Grace's for the week, I had plans for the day, list made, when all of a sudden, Wham! The faucet of tears didn't just turn on, the pipes burst! I spent most of the morning crying, and praying.

I have been really concerned about my business, wondering if I should continue, if so, how do I get the word out, advertising is so expensive, and I refuse to go into debt. I really cried out to the Lord. I told Him I really needed Him on this one, I need wisdom, direction. I said, 'I need Your help, I need the help of my friends, to let people know. I don't know how to do this'.

A bit later, in a moment of composure, I went to check my emails, and popped over to FB, even though I had already been there before the tears. I couldn't believe my eyes! I had a bunch of friends linking my business on their status page. Yes, more tears came, as I was overwhelmed by it, and how the Lord had so promptly, and graciously answered my prayer!

Through out the day, it continued, as did the tears, these of gratitude. My deepest thanks to those who so kindly posted about THT, that is so huge for me. They say word of mouth is the best advertising. I look forward to seeing how it plays out, hopefully with lots of orders!! Blessings!

At the foot of the Cross

2011-02-03T11:33:00.000-08:00

I just learned this song on Sunday, as I was driving home from church. How timely it was for me as it brought sweet conclusion to the afore mentioned issue in my last post. The Lord through a seris of events, scripture, and songs, brought me to the place of being able to let go of an almost 3 year struggle the debiltated my heart. O my what sweet release! What immeasurable joy! "Now I can trade these ashes in for beauty, and wear forgivness like a crown...". May the words of this song, give you strength, peace and joy as you lay it, whatever it be, at the foot of the Cross.

Somewhere in the middle

2011-01-23T19:17:00.000-08:00

Have you ever had one of those issues in your life that you are dealing with, where your brain and your heart have a hard time meshing together? I am having one of those. I know what scripture tells me, I know and understand the logic of it all, but the emotions of my heart keep slamming the door on said understanding.

I am tired of the slamming door, of whatever it is that is keeping me from embracing what is needed and good for me. This isn't a defiant act, not at all. It is more not feeling worthy to accept the truth offered by my God. I don't like it, I can only imagine how He must feel. I am weary. I am tired of being weary. I want to move forward. I feel like when I was in high school in track and learning how to jump hurdles. Getting the right number of steps between them, knowing which foot to launch with, and at what time to jump, having the the right leg position so I could clear the hurdle and not get tangled up in it and land on my face.

Being on ones face before the Lord is a good thing, I'm okay with that. But at some point I need to get up to clear the hurdle and continue on with the race. Perhaps I need a few more bumps and bruises till I can fly again, and find that happy place in the middle of heart and mind.

(photo from Google images)

Birdsong

2011-01-20T16:11:00.000-08:00

Today was the weekly Havarti Club, which consists of my mom, my girls, and occasional friends, and myself, in various combinations. We call it the Havarti Club as we have lunch together, often sandwiches, which is where the Havarti comes it. It is a favorite amongst us. We chat, down lots of tea, and take turns playing with babies.

The property across the street from mom's house slopes down to an open field with a few cows and a quaint home. Peering over the blackberry hedge row at street level is a stand of Arthur Rackham looking oak trees. Leafless, yet covered in moss, the twisted branches create a tangled silhouette. Today, as I helped take some things to the car of a friend, all I heard was a grand raucous for birdsong. I don't know how many birds there were, or how many different types, but they were all sing lustily. I did see a couple of doves sitting atop one of the trees, and a Jenny wren flitting from branch to branch. I stood and listened, looking at the view, and missed living in the country. This is a sight and sound I wouldn't mind everyday.

I like my little 1940's cottage and my little plot of earth, but, oh, how deep the country runs through my veins. I miss the vista's, the ramblings through the fields, the fragrances of fresh air, the sounds. I'm not likely to live in the country again, that's okay. But, I am grateful for the vignettes the Lord gives me from time to time that keeps this farmgirls soul on an even keel.

He is here

2011-01-14T12:01:00.000-08:00

I had a bit of a sleepless night last night. Not unusual for me, but sleepless nonetheless. At one point I rolled over to try to get comfortable, only to see once again, the empty space next to me. I felt very alone, and the darkness only aided that feeling. I reached my hand out, and fell asleep.

This morning I was reminded of that magnificent proclamation of old, "and you shall call His name Immanuel, God with us." That glorious Divine presence, that grand Assurance, that wherever I am , whatever I am doing, God is present. But why don't I always feel Him near? Why do I often feel I am going this alone? Why do the nights still loom, shouting my singleness? Why in my darkest hours of Dale's final moments did I not feel the Lord's presence?

When Christ hung dying on the cross for me, he cried out, 'My God, why have you forsaken me?' Why did the Son of God feel like I often do? Perhaps, so He could understand better my humanness, my fearful moments? Maybe because I am given a task to do, as He was, and I must accomplish, not on my own really, but by what God has given to me at that moment to use to do the work; part of hewing and moulding of me? I don't know, but this I do know. I was never alone. I will never be alone, even when it feels like I am.

I have made mention before that I am by nature a fearful Nellie. I joke it is my spiritual gift. I believe the Lord has scripted Isaiah 40.10 just for me. 'Do not fear, for I am with you. Do not be afraid, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my victorious right hand.'

I love passages in scripture where the Lord is speaking with, 'I will, I have, I did...' In Isaiah 43 there are several of those, all underlined in my bible.

I have redeemed you...I have called you by My name...I will be with you...I am the Lord your God...I love you...I am with you...I have created you for My glory...whom I have formed, whom I have made..whom I have chosen... I am He...I am the Lord...I who have declared and saved and proclaimed...I am God. If I am so loved, chosen, created, redeemed..., how could I ever doubt the Lord's presence in my life? How could I ever forget how precious I am in His sight? He will never leave me or forsake me. He is here...a most joyous thought indeed!

Psalms 62

2011-01-13T09:59:00.000-08:00

This today for any who are hurting and struggling. He is our Redeemer and our God.

Pathways

2011-01-12T22:46:00.000-08:00

Remember as a kid, when you fell down and got a boo-boo? All Mom had to do was kiss it and make it better. I wish that still worked.

The last few days have been heavy for me, and all I want to do is make things better for those I love. But I can't. To watch a son-in-law wonder if he will have work or not, to see two family members in two different churches going through ugly and difficult things, to hear of a most beloved family member receiving devastating news; and I can do nothing to help.

All I know is this, that God is sovereign, therefore, He is faithful, therefore, He is trustworthy. My prayer is that those I love will hold these truths in their hearts, as the journey is rough for them. That they will know the Peace that passes all understanding. That their hope will be secure on the Rock of their salvation. And when this pathway comes to an end, and the next one starts, they will find victory and strength to go the next round.

This years theme...

2011-01-04T20:59:00.000-08:00

Psalms 16.11 'Thou will make known to me the path of life; in Thy presence is fulness of joy; in Thy right hand there are pleasures forever.'

Psalms 21.6 'For Thou does make him most blessed forever; Thou does make him joyful with gladness in Thy presence.'

Psalms 43.4 'Then I will go to the alter of God, to God my exceeding joy; and upon the lyre I shall praise Thee, O God, my God.'

Psalms 51.12 'Restore to me the joy of Thy salvation, and sustain me with a willing spirit.'

Psalms 98.4 'Shout joyfully to the Lord, all the earth; break forth and sing for joy and sing praises.'

Psalms 119.111 'I have inherited Thy testimonies forever, for they are the joy of my heart.'

Psalms 126.2,3 'Then our mouth was filled with laughter, and our tongue with joyful shouting; then they said among the nations, "the Lord has done great things for them." The Lord has done great things for us; we are glad.'

Habakkuk 3. 17-19 'Though the fig three should not blossom, and there be no fruit on the vines, though the yield on the olive should fail, and the fields produce no food, though the flock should be cut off from the fold, and there be no cattle in the stalls, YET, I will exult in the Lord, I will joy in the God of my salvation. The Lord God is my strength, and He has made my feet like hinds feet, and makes me walk on my high places.'

This year, with joy, in all I do, because of who He is.

Christmas Babies

2010-12-28T19:51:00.000-08:00

Only thing that would have made Christmas better, would have been holding all three of my grandbabies.

To those I have not met, yet.

2010-12-22T21:28:00.000-08:00

One of the things I have loved about blogging is the 'friends' I have made. These dear ladies who have come into my life, who have encouraged me, made me cry, laugh, and supported me on my journey, though we have never met. Some day, I hope we can. If not, I know that we will have eternity to get acquainted.

Kay, Jeannie, Karen, Deborah Jean, Susan, you ladies are wonderful, and I thank you for gracing my blog with your words and love.

Kay- www.therusticcottage.blogspot.com/
Jeannie- www.blueskyjeannie.blogspot.com/
Karen- www.plainandsimplykaren.blogspot.com/
Deb- www.deborahjeansdandelionhouse.com/
Susan- www.missmaddies.blogspot.com/

Jubilee

2010-12-18T10:29:00.001-08:00

Tomorrow, I will be 50 years old. I don't feel 50. I don't know what 50 is to feel like. Granted, there are mornings when I get out of bed, I feel very old, but on the whole I don't feel much different than when I turned 30. 50 years, 600 months, 18,220 days, give or take a leap year, half a century. They all don't sound so bad, expect the half century one, that sounds old.

This morning as I was having my devotions, I opened a devotional book I read only periodically, and found it speaking of the year of Jubilee, which occurred every 50 years. It's my year of Jubilee!

'You shall then sound the ram's horn abroad...on the day of Atonement...You shall consecrate the fiftieth year and proclaim a release through the land to all its inhabitants. It shall be a jubilee for you, and each shall return to his own property, and each to his own family...For it is a jubilee; it shall be holy to you.' Leviticus 25.9-12

This jubilee doesn't mean jubilant, or joyous, though that would be the attitude of the people, being released from debt and bondage, but it actually means, ram's horn, which was used to call the jubilee to begin. It was a type of sabbath. A year of being set free. A year of returning. A year of rest. It was a call to a new beginning, a time of grace and of hope.

As I look over the past 50 years of my life, all I can see is God's faithfulness. There have been many good, and joyous years, there have been some very hard, and painful years, and times of self made bondage, and slavery. This year I pray it will be very much a year of jubilee for me. A year of release, of rest, of new beginning, a year to witness hope and God's justice in my life.

Tomorrow, you will not hear a ram's horn sounding my year of jubilee, but there will be loud exultation within me, as Mercy fills my heart.

2 Year Mark

2010-12-14T08:06:00.000-08:00

Today marks year 2 of Dale's passing. It is hard for me to believe. Some days, on some level, I feel as though I am moving forward and doing well. Other days I feel stuck and swallowed by grief. Oh if only there was a 'How to be a widow' manual, a blueprint, a road map, even a monthly quiz, that would help me determine if I am doing this thing right.

I think of a most beloved son-in-law, who struggles with not having the opportunity to know Dale. I think of grandbabies who won't know their amazing grampa. I know the Lord had this all figured out a very long time ago. He knows why. So, each morning I convince myself to get out of bed and breathe, praying for the grace to start again.

God is sovereign, He is faithful, therefore He is trustworthy. And on that I hang my hat, and my heart.

Juxapostion

2010-12-09T10:25:00.000-08:00

'It is the Lord's mercy, to give you breathings after life, and cries to Him against that which oppresses you; and happy will you be, when He will fill your soul with that which He has given you to breathe after. Be not troubled; for if troubles abound, and there be tossing, and storms, and tempests, and no peace, nor anything visible left to support; yet, lie still, and sink beneath, till a secret hope stir, which will stay the heart in the midst of all these, until the Lord administer comfort, who knows how and what relief to give to the weary traveller, that knows not where it is, nor which way to look, nor where to expect a path.'
Issac Penington

In short, 'Be still and know that I am God'. To pursue after God, and yet, be still. An interesting juxapostion.

To will one thing...

2010-12-07T14:17:00.000-08:00

'Father in Heaven! What are we without you?...What is all our striving, could it ever encompass a world, but a half-finished work if we do not know You: You the One, who is one thing and who is all!
So may you give to the intellect-wisdom to comprehend that one thing;
to the heart-sincerity to receive this understanding;
to the will-purity that wills only one thing.
In prosperity, may you grant-perseverance to will one thing;
amid distractions- collectedness to will one thing;
in suffering-patience to will one thing."
Soren Kierkegaard

In short, pursue Jesus. It is a mind set, an act of the will. We are selfish beings, and tend to seek to please ourselves. It is a deliberate act of seeking in quiet and submissiveness to hear the Lord's voice, to will to make Him that one thing, that needed personage in our lives.

I wish I could say it was easy to do. It's not, at least for me. I tend to allow everything in my life to whelm me till I come to the end of myself, and need to do as I did this morning, to just spend time, a lot of time, just listening, leaving all at the alter, allowing Him to be that One, again.

To Obey...

2010-12-03T10:37:00.000-08:00

'to obey is better than sacrifice..' 1 Sam. 15.22

Yesterday, I was at Hannah's for a visit with my mom. We were getting ready for lunch, and I told Joshua it was time to eat, and for him to get up in his chair. His response? 'No.' He was sitting on the couch in the living room, and I was in the dining room. I walk out to him, with my Nana stern face on, and told him it was time to get in his chair. He just looked at me. I told him to listen and obey, which is what his parents say to him. He got off the couch and walked toward me, eyes fixed, no expression. As he passed by me, he kissed my hand, and continued on to the dining room. What a stinker! It was not a kiss of 'I love you and I will obey', but, 'I am doing this because I want to, because I don't want a spanking, but maybe a kiss will make you think I am being obedient, and repentant.'

When I got home, I thought about it again, and it came to me, how many times I have treated the Lord the same way? Giving an affectation of obedience to the Lord. How many times has He told me to do something, more than once, I do it, not because I want to, because I know it is good and right to do so, but out of, 'I'll do it so I won't get in trouble, oh, and here is a kiss Lord so it looks like I am obeying.' To obey, (doing what I am told with humility and quick response), is better than sacrifice, ( having to give up something because I have to). If my kids obeyed me when first told to do something, all was well. It was when they did what they were told, more than once, to do, with an attitude, that they got in trouble. Is it not the same for me?

Keith Green wrote a song many years ago, that still speaks truth today. Christ wants my life, daily, without dragging my feet, without pretense, but with humility. Joyfully giving to Him, because He is my Heavenly Father, and I should do nothing less.

http://http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TzWyZxlwGKI

Awe

2010-12-01T10:03:00.000-08:00

'And lifting up their eyes, they saw no one, but Jesus Himself, alone.' Matt. 17. 8

Now there is a verse to ponder...for the rest of your life.

1st Sunday of Advent

2010-11-28T20:30:00.000-08:00

Advent- (L) Adventus ad-to + venire-come

I love celebrating Advent, the coming of Christ as a babe. I love lighting the candles of the Advent wreath each week, reading scripture, special prayers, and singing songs that correlate with each week. For me it adds to what Christmas is all about, and less on what the world has made it to be.

Today at church we celebrated the beginning of Advent. A family came up, read scripture, lit the candle, and prayed. We then, as a congregation sang, O come O come Emmanuel, one of my favorites. I had the privilege to be part of the worship team today, so as I sang, I was paying close attention to the words, to make sure I didn't mess up. As I did, it hit me that the words of the song weren't just for the month of December, but they are for every day. Daily I am to ask the Lord to come, to fill my very being, to lead and guide me each moment. But more than that it struck me that I am to daily be in anticipation for His coming to my heart. As believers we long for His return, we go through the motions of remembering His first coming as a baby, celebrating with all the traditions year to year, but do we long, really long for His daily coming?

Oh, Come, Oh, Come Emmanuel
Translated: John Neal, 1818-66

Oh, come, oh, come, Emmanuel, and ransom captive Israel,
That mourns in lonely exile here, until the Son of God appear.
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel, shall come to you, O Israel!

Oh, come, our Wisdom from on high, who ordered all things mightily;
To us the path of knowledge show, and teach us in her ways to go.
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel Shall come to you, O Israel!

Oh, come, oh, come, our Lord of might, who to your tribes on Sinai's height
In ancient times gave holy law, in cloud, and majesty, and awe.
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel, shall come to you, O Israel!

Oh, come O Rod of Jesse's stem, from ev'ry foe deliver them
That trust your mighty pow'r to save; bring them in vict'ry through the grave.
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel, shall come to you, O Israel!

Oh, come, O Key of David, come, and open wide our heav'nly home;
Make safe the way that leads on high, and close the path to misery.
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel, shall come to you, O Israel!

Oh, come, our Dayspring from on high, and cheer us by your drawing nigh,
Disperse the gloomy clouds of night, and death's dark shadows put to flight.
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel, shall come to you, O Israel!

Oh, come, Desire of nations, bind in one the hearts of all mankind;
Oh, bid our sad divisions cease, and be yourself our King of Peace.
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel, shall come to you, O Israel!

Are these not words we can pray every day? Emmanuel, God with us. Never leaving, or forsaking, not seasonally, but daily, minute by minute.

O come, Emmanuel. Renew in me, today, a true wonder at Your presence, and power in my life.

O come, Emmanuel. Renew in me, today, a joy responsive to the Father's joy.

O come, Emmanuel. Renew in me, today, the joy, and love, and peace that is right to bring to the manger of my Lord.

O come, Emmanuel. Renew in me, today, humble reverence for the God who acted there, and sincere gratitude for the Life begun there.

O come, Emmanuel. Renew in me holy obedience, to walk as You walked, to love as You loved.